In the End
by Kitty in the Box
Summary: COMPLETE! Don't you just wish that you had so little time together, that way the memories won't be too painful to bear? What happens when you are caught in a crossroad between fantasy and reality. A look at Yuki and Shuichi as you have never seen before.
1. TRACK 1

**DISCLAIMER: Wish as we may but we can never own Gravitation and will never be.**

**In the End**

**12:00 midnight. Saturday. Yuki's bedroom.**

"Get off me!" Yuki grimly said.

"Eh? Nani?" Came the confused reply.

"I SAID GET OFF ME!"

"Yuki…." Shuichi was more puzzled.

"I SAID GET THE HELL OF ME, BRAT!"

Shuichi falls off the bed and endures a hard thud on the floor. Yuki had actually pushed him off the bed. He could not understand what was wrong again. He crawls back on the bed thinking this must be one of Yuki's play acting again.

"Demo….Yuki….it's our anniversary. I was hoping I could stay beside you until we wake up at least."

Silence.

"Yuuuuuki!"

Shuichi tries to coax Yuki by playfully tugging on his arm but all he got was a grunt in response.

"YUUUKIIII!"

Shuichi hugs Yuki's back and presses his face closely to his body.

The next thing he knew, Shuichi finds himself pinned to the wall.

"WHAT THE HELL DO YOU WANT FROM ME, YOU SPOILED SHIT?"

Yuki's eyes were glaring. He had one hand holding up Shuichi's hand on the wall while the other was vised around Shuichi's throat.

"WE SPENT THE WHOLE NIGHT TOGETHER! HAVEN'T YOU HAD ENOUGH ALREADY?"

Shuichi desperately struggles to free himself from Yuki but his efforts are in vain. Cold sweat on his forehead. He squeezes his eyes shut to avoid Yuki's menacing glare.

_Yuki….let me go, please. I beg you! I can't breathe, Yuki!_

Yuki abruptly releases him and shoves him out of the bedroom and slammed the door. Shuichi almost collapses to the floor. He gasps and coughs loudly. He runs to the bathroom and turns on the shower. He is naked. Yuki didn't even give him time to pick up his clothes.

_What's going on Shuichi?_

_What are you doing?_

_What's happening to me?_

Cold water from the shower beats on his body. He slumps on the floor. He hiccups. He is still gasping and coughing.

He reaches for the knob and turns the shower off. His whole body chilling from cold and fear. He proceeds to the bathroom sink and splashes warm water on his face. He looks up to see his reflection on the mirror. His neck was bright red and still bore fresh finger marks.

_Oh God!_

He opens the medicine cabinet and fumbles on the items inside. He is looking for a skin ointment. He finds it and applies an amount on his neck only to give him a burning sensation. He shrieks. He drops the bottle on the sink.

_Oh no! I made a mess on Yuki's bathroom. No! He musnt see this. He'll get mad for sure._

He starts to pick up the broken bottle quickly. One of the fragments suddenly slices right across his right palm, almost reaches his wrist. He drops it again and turns on the faucet to wash off his hand but the blood continues to ooze.

_What's going on, Shuichi?_

_What's happening?_

_Shuichi? Shuichi?_

He grabs for a towel and robe and dashes out of the bathroom.

_Oh no! I'm bleeding…._

_Get a hold of yourself, Shuichi!_

He carefully wraps the towel around his hand and applied pressure to control the bleeding. The contents of the medicine cabinet have been littered on the floor. The bandages rolled on the wet tiled floor. It was useless.

He proceeds to the guest room and gets his bag. He pulls out a checkered blue shirt and gray pants. He struggles to put on his pants with one hand. The towel was already soaked in blood.

_Shit! I can't stop bleeding!_

He proceeds to the kitchen to drink some water. He loosens the towel and drops it on the floor then grabs a kitchen towel instead.

He looks around. His hands were shaking. He needed a doctor. He proceeded to dial on his cellphone to call for a cab. He grabs his wallet from his bag and quietly left the condo.

Not very long he waited outside the cab arrived.

"Where to sir?"

"Take me to the nearest hospital. Hayaku!" Shuichi raises his bleeding hand and tries to refasten the blood-soaked towel.

"Hai."

They arrive in the hospital. Shuichi is beginning to look very pale. The second towel he is using was seeping with blood.

"We're here, sir. Are you alright?"

Shuichi weakly shakes his head. The driver gets out of the car and escorts Shuichi to the emergency room.

"Could we get some help here? This man's bleeding!"

Emergency room staff emerges, "We'll take it from here."

"No, wait!"

Shuichi grabs the driver's arm just before being assisted inside.

"What is it, sir?"

"Please wait for me outside. Keep your meter running whatever. I'll pay you. I'll be there as soon as I get my hand treated." He gasps.

"As you say so, sir." He nodded.

Shuichi gives a weak smile. "Thanks."

The driver walks back to his cab. He lights a cigarette. He checks the meter and logs the register. He turns it off. He chuckled to himself. There was perfect sense to the young man's request. Injured like that, he didn't feel like turning the meter on. How was he going to get a cab at this hour anyway?

The driver hears a tap on the window. He gets out of the car and opens the door for the newly bandaged Shuichi.

"I see you didn't keep the meter running."

"It's okay, sir."

"I see. That's very kind of you." Shuichi smiles.

"No problem. Should I take you back to where I fetched you, sir?" he chuckles.

He panics, "NO!"

"Eh?"

"Betsuni. Gomen ne."

"It's okay, sir. Where would you like to go instead?"

The driver starts the engine and proceeds to leave the hospital grounds. Shuichi rests his head on the seat.

"What's your name, driver?"

"Yamaguchi Kaede desu."

"Yamaguchi-san."

"Yamaguchi: Kaede will do, sir. We don't have to be too formal."

"It's okay, you're a lot older than I am."

Yamaguchi laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing, sir. It's just that no one really bothers knowing a driver's name much more even address them as a senior. But you're quite different. Thank you, sir."

"Call me Shuichi."

"Shuichi-san."

"Now we're even." He smiles.

"Shuichi-san, where would you like me to take you?"

"Do you know any good restaurants around here?"

"Hai."

"Take me there."

Shuichi leans further backward on the seat. He cradles his right hand. Yamaguchi glances at the rear view mirror to look at Shuichi.

"Shuichi-san, if I may say so, you look kinda familiar but maybe I could be wrong."

"About what?"

"Anou…you look like someone on the billboards I see when I'm driving around Tokyo."

"A lot of people say the same thing."

"Well, I could be wrong." He shakes his head.

Shuichi remained silent and looked out the window. He was unmindful of the driver's inquisitive glances at him through the rear view mirror.

"AH SOU DA!"

Shuichi was still looking at the window, "Doushite?"

Yamaguchi snaps his finger. "You look like that…..that….ahm…..singer."

Shuichi seemingly distracted looks at him. "Really now?"

"Something about luck or something. Nice luck. Lucky. Good luck. Ah! Yappari! It's Good Luck, ne? Am I correct?"

Shuichi could not suppress it and burst into laughter.

Yamaguchi was excited. "I got it right, didn't I?"

"Almost. But you're a funny man, Yamaguchi-san."

"I'm just glad you loosened up a bit, Shuichi-san. You didn't look too well earlier."

"That bad, ne?"

"Well, you could say that. Oh we're near the restaurant now. It's a nice place really, not too classy though but the ambiance is warm, the staff is nice and the food is excellent."

"Ever been inside?"

"Oh just once, maybe twice. A friend of mine invited me when we celebrated his birthday."

"Hiro and I usually frequent fastfood."

"Hiro-san?"

"Tomodachi desu."

"Ah sou desu ne. Would this place be okay for you or would you like me to take you to another?"

"This is nice enough."

"Hai."

"Yamaguchi-san?"

"Hai?"

"Would you care to join me?"

"Eh?"

"I'm asking you."

Yamaguchi smiles. "It's okay, sir. There's no need."

"Is it the money?"

"Oh no! You've been a very nice passenger and it's been a real pleasure to talk to you."

Shuichi smiles. "I would appreciate it very much if you could join me and besides I will be needing a place to stay for the night and you'll have to take me there."

Yamaguchi nodded and looked at the smiling Shuichi. Strange. But he swore there was a sadness much deeply etched in his eyes.

"No problem."

He logs his record of the taximeter. They enter the restaurant.

Waitress greets them. "IRRASHAIMASE! Kochira douzo."

The waitress escorts them to their table. Then hands them a menu.

"May I take your order, sirs?"

Shuichi browses on the menu. "What's the special?"

"We have cream chicken….anou…..sumimasen, but are you by any chance, Shindou Shuichi of Bad Luck?"

Yamaguchi taps the table. "Bad Luck! I knew there was a Luck to it!"

Shuichi smiles and takes the waitress' hand "I appreciate the recognition but I was hoping I would have a quiet meal in this place if you don't mind?"

Waitress apologetically but excitedly replied.) "Oh most certainly, sir."

"Doumo."

"What would it be, sir?"

"I think I'll have chicken and a salad and also give us a pitcher of beer."

"Hai. (looks at Yamaguchi) and you, sir?"

Yamaguchi gulped when Shuichi said beer. He looked at the waitress but is unsure.

"Oh, c'mon Yamaguchi-san. It's my treat."

"Thank you sir, but…."

"Okay, he'll have what I'm having too."

"Green tea please."

"Would that be all, sir?"

"Hai."

The waitress takes the menu and leaves.

"You don't drink, Yamaguchi-san?"

"Well not really and I'm driving."

"Oh."

"So why didn't you tell me you're really that guy from the billboards?"

"I think it's nice being with someone who didn't know me."

"Oh I see."

"Well now that you know, will it change anything?"

"I suppose not really."

"Good."

"Besides, I don't really know much really, sir. I'm just your average taxi driver. I'm an old man and I'm not too keen to what these young people are listening to nowadays."

"It's a rock band. I'm the vocalist. Hiro, my longtime buddy is the guitarist and together we formed the band way back in high school. It was nothing much really. We mostly did covers for our favorite rock band Nittle Grasper. Ever heard of them?"

"Not much. Last I heard their lead vocalist left for America."

"It's old news. He's back after three years and since has reunited with the band."

Yamaguchi scratches his head. "Ah! I'm really slow at these things."

"That's okay. Later, Fujisaki joined our band. I say the kid is a prodigy. He was only 16 that time. He's our keyboardist and also handles musical arrangement."

"Wow."

"Yeah, we make such a good team."

"I feel rather strange talking to you and not know these things."

"It happens."

The waitress returns. "Sumimasen desu. Thank you for waiting. Here is your meal."

"Doumo."

"Anou…sumimasen, Shindou-san, would it be okay if I could ask for your autograph?"

Shuichi waves his hand.: "Not at all."

She hands him a pen and paper.

"What's your name?"

"Maiko desu. Hajimemashite."

"That's my sister's name too."

"Hontou ni?"

"Here you are, Maiko." He hands the pen and paper.

She bows. "Hontou ni arigatou gozaimasu. I love your music so much and I listen to all your songs. I've even been to your concerts."

"That's really sweet."

"I'll leave you now to enjoy your meal. Oh, thank you so much. I'm so happy to have met you in person. This is really special."

Yamaguchi fondly looks at her. She was almost in tears but was trying very hard to keep her composure.

"Itadakimasu!"

"Oishii desu ne! You're really good at picking restaurants, Yamaguchi-san. I'm gonna tell Hiro about this place soon."

"Yokatta. How's your hand, sir?"

"Well the anesthesia seems to be wearing off earlier. Good thing I took some of the pain medication at the restaurant."

"Would you like to proceed to a hotel now, sir?"

"That would be good."

**Hotel**

"Well will you look at the time! It's almost 3 in the morning. You need some rest, Shuichi-san."

" Funny. I'm supposed to be tired but I don't feel like that at all. Would you care to join me for some tea at the hotel café?"

" Shuichi-san?"

"Not unless you need to go now."

"Well, I'll be returning the car to the car barn in two hours. Why not?"

"Don't worry it's on me."

"Shuichi-san, demo….."

"It's no trouble. I'm just so grateful now. Don't stop me."

"As you say so."

"So tell me, do you have a family?"

"I used to be married once. No kids. She died in a work-related accident."

"I'm so sorry."

"It's okay. It's been 10 years ago."

"What's her name? How did she die?"

"Her name is Suzuki. It was at chemical factory. One of the machines malfunctioned and she suffered third-degree burns."

"Where were you that time?"

"Working."

"I'm really sorry."

"We've been married for only six months. Looking at it now, I'm just glad it happened sooner. At least that way, we didn't have too much memories to suffer from."

"How long did she stay in the hospital?"

"Two days."

Shuichi fell silent. He reflected on those words just said

_At least that way, we didn't have too much memories to suffer from_

"I'm sorry, I'm depressing you."

Shuichi shook his head. "I just remembered something."

"What is it?"

"Nothing important."

"Oh."

"So any relationship may I ask?"

"Shuichi-san, you're really a fascinating creature are you?"

"That's me!"

"Nothing serious really. I don't think I'll ever get married at all."

"How about your other family?"

"I have a younger sister but they have migrated to Australia with her family a long time ago. Our parents already died. I'm an old man, Shuichi-san."

"You don't look like one. How old are you anyway?"

"55."

"That's not old!"

"Why thank you, Shuichi-san!"

"I think I'm getting rather sleepy already. It's been really nice talking to you."

"It's been an honor, Shuichi-san."

"Well, who knows I just might call you again."

"Very good, sir. This is my card. You can contact me directly without having to go through the operator."

"Thanks. You've been very patient with me."

"No trouble at all! I've had fun too."

"Oh, how much for the long trip in total?"

"Anou…."

"No, I insist, you must tell me."

Yamaguchi hands him a receipt uneasily.

"Here you go."

The older man was still uneasy. "Arigato. Ah! This is too much!"

"I've had a great time."

"Me too. It's been great talking with you. It's the first time someone of your popularity would take the time to know a mere taxi driver like me."

"Don't ever say that. I never thought of it that way. My manager used to tell me that we're all important no matter who we are."

"I'll remember that."

They shook hands and bowed to each other.

"I'll have a room, please."

The front desk clerk greeted him. "What kind of room would you like?"

"A room with a view would be nice."

The front desk clerk handed him a key and the register. He signed, _Yamaguchi Keisuk_e

"Enjoy your stay, sir."

"Thanks."

Room 406. He put a "Do Not Disturb" sign at the door knob.

He proceeds to the bathroom. Takes off his clothes. Puts on a robe and slippers. He looks at his hand.

He checks the mini refrigerator. It had juice and miniature alcoholic drinks. The freezer had chocolate bars. He took one.

He lies on the bed and turns on the cable tv. It was MTV Asia. It was featuring a video of Bad Luck performing "Spicy Marmalade".

He quickly turned it off.

He munches on the chocolate bar. He slides the glass doors and looks at the view. It was facing the hotel swimming pool. There were a few people down there.

He enters the bathroom to brush his teeth.

He then lies on the bed. But sleep would not come to him as he had expected. He tossed and turned. The pain on his hand was disturbing him. He took another pain medication and tried to bury himself in pillows.

He stares at the mosaic-painted ceiling. Everything seemed to be moving around him.

_What's going on Shuichi?_

_What's happening to you?_

He closed his eyes. Tears began to flow.

_Gods! What have I been doing all this time?_

_What the hell am I doing here?_

_Please let me fall asleep._

_Please make me forget._

Yamaguchi's words echoed in his head,

"_I'm just glad it happened sooner, that way, we didn't have too much memories to suffer from."_

He whispers softly. "Me too, if only you knew."

**Author notes: Finally my story has been resurrected. Many thanks to my savior. To all those who have missed this story, I share it once again. Please look forward to more updates in the future. Thank you for reading and reviewing. You are the best readers a writer could ever have.**


	2. TRACK 2

**DISCLAIMER: I'm back with chapter two. None of the gravitation characters I own, well except the barber. I would also like to thank my dear readers following this story. hugs to all! **

**10:00 in the morning. Saturday. Yuki's bedroom.**

The sun shines brightly all over the room. The blinds have been pulled up. Yuki still with his eyes shut extends an arm to his side only to feel a pillow beside him. He sits up and rubs his eyes to surveyed the room.

"**Baka****!"**

His and Shuichi's clothes were littered all over the room.

"**He didn't even…."**

He halted. Memories from last night began to rain on his head. He quickly picked up their clothes and stashed it to the side of the bed.

_He must be sleeping on the damn couch again. _

He consoled himself. But when he opened the door, Shuichi was not there. A trail of blood spots were on the carpet floor which were leading to the bathroom.

Yuki's eyes rounded in horror.

**"Shuichi!"**

_Oh God, no! This can't be happening._

The bathroom was a mess. Fragments of broken glass still remained on the sink. He was even more horrified to find a piece of broken glass with blood on it inside the wastebasket.

"**SHUICHI?"**

No answer came.

He looked inside the kitchen and saw a towel. He picked it up and suddenly dropped it. It had blood soaked in it. He drops on his knees and covers his face.

What have I done? This can't be happening. Shuichi…..

He proceeds to the guest room and finds Shuichi's bags were still there. His Ryuichi collection. No notes on his table. His favorite mug was still amongst the dishes.

**"Where could he be?"**

He dials the phone.

All he got was the operator's voice.

Did he bring his cellphone? Is it turned off? Out of signal? He never leaves without his cellphone.

He calls again. Still no Shuichi.

_Was it stolen? Was he mugged? Assaulted?_

He didn't like the ideas going through his head. No time to lose. He quickly dressed and drove his car.

**Back in the hotel……**

The front desk clerk greeted Shuichi, "Ohayo gozaimasu."

"Ohayo. I'll be checking out now."

"Did you enjoy your stay, sir?"

Shuichi smiles at her wanly. "I sure did."

He walks out of the hotel. He is wearing large dark shades and a hat which he purchased from the hotel's gift shop.

He enters a barber shop. The barber shop looked like it catered to old folks. Shuichi tried to avoid establishments that catered to young people. He was immediately greeted by an old bald barber at the door.

"Irrashai!"

"Hai."

"What would it be?"

"A haircut, something different."

"Would you like to try our promo, sir? Hair coloring treatment and you get a free haircut and massage."

"Wow. Very well, my hair is in your hands."

"Very good, sir."

**NG Building.**

The door to the recording studio suddenly bursts open.

Bad Luck producer Sakano was shocked. "Ah, Yuki-san!"

Yuki was grim. "Shuichi wa doko da?"

"He's not here. Didn't he tell you, Bad Luck is taking a year off starting today. We've had quite a busy season last year."

Yuki was irritated. " I know that."

K testily replied, "Isn't he supposed to be at your place? "

K arched his eyebrows but not looking at Yuki while he continued cleaning his magnum.

"Would I be here if he was?"

K smirked, "Figures."

Sakano was beginning to fidget.

Someone else arrives at the studio.

"OHAYO!"

"Huh?"

"Ah! Hiro-kun!" Sakano was relieved.

Sakano looked even more nervous than ever. He had felt the slight tension growing between K and Yuki but now with Hiro here…..he just hoped things would not go ugly.

"I just came in to get my CD case. Ah! Here it is!"

He grabs the black CD case near the corner table and was about to walk out the door when he notices Yuki.

"What brings you here?"

"Shuichi?"

"How am I supposed to know that?"

"Shuichi wa doko da?"

"Why are you asking me? Isn't he supposed to be with you?"

"He's not that's why."

"Don't tell me something happened again."

"He left last night. All his stuff is still there. I tried calling him but no answer."

"Of course, he won't answer, it's YOU!"

He takes his cellphone and dials.

"Shit! He's not picking up his phone. All I'm getting is the fucking operator."

Hiro's irritation was growing by the second. K put back his magnum in his holster. Sakano swallowed hard and silently prayed there won't be a scene in the studio.

"I told you so." Yuki replied.

That did it. Hiro lunged forward and grabbed Yuki by the collar and pinned him on the wall.

**"WHAT THE HELL DID YOU DO TO HIM AGAIN, YOU ASSHOLE?"**

Yuki merely looked at him defiantly.

**"ANSWER ME!"**

"Hiro-kun, relax a bit. We won't be able to find Shindou-kun like this."

K pulls Hiro away from Yuki. Yuki loosens his collar.

"If Shuichi-kun isn't with any of you two then he must have returned to his parents' home." K took a seat.

"He didn't say anything like that." Yuki looked away.

"There's no harm in checking it out." The producer quipped.

"I'll make the call." The gun-totting manager announced.

"No! I'll go there." Hiro disagreed.

"I'm going too." Yuki presented.

"Very well." K nodded.

**Shuichi's parents' home**

Maiko greeted them at the door. "Hiro-kun! Ohisashiburi!"

"Hisashiburi da na, Maiko-chan!" They hugged.

"What's up?"

"Is Shuichi here?"

"No."

"Did he call you?"

Maiko became concerned with the question. "Iyya. What's going on, Hiro-kun?"

"That's what I need to find out."

Yuki gets out of the car.

Maiko became suspicious. "What the hell is he doing here?"

Hiro looks behind. "He came to look for Shuichi too."

"What's going on?" She frowns never leaving her sight at Yuki who was now approaching.

"We'll look for him okay? Where are your parents?"

Distractedly she replies. "They went for a camping trip. They said they'll be back next week."

"So you're all alone here?"

"No. Some of my cousins are here." Her impatience was rising by the second.

"Okay. Just stay put. Keep your line open and I'll call you as soon as I know anything, ne?"

Just as Hiro was about to ride on his motorbike, Maiko walks to Yuki's car and slams on the front of the car.

**"YOU ASSHOLE!**** WHAT DID YOU DO TO HIM? WHERE'S MY BROTHER?"**

Hiro cuts in. "Maiko-chan, there's no point asking him that now."

He takes Maiko back to the front of the house.

"But…."

Maiko's face was flushed with sudden anger. Tears began to flow.

"I want you to stay at home, okay. Nakanaide, I'll take care of this. I'm angry too but that won't solve anything. Don't tell your parents anything yet ok. I'm sure I'll find Shuichi very soon, ne?"

Hiro hugs Maiko who is shaking with anger and still glaring at Yuki.

"Okay." Her voice breaks.

"That's a good girl."

**Back in the barber shop…..**

"How do you like your new look, sir?"

"It's incredible. I feel like a new man. You did it." Shuichi admires his new hair on the mirror.

"Back to basics, sir. You remind me of my grandson."

Shuichi smiles. "I do?"

"Black hair suits you fine, sir and the short hair too."

"I'm quite satisfied."

**_To be continued..._**


	3. TRACK 3

**9:00 A.M. NG Studios**

Bad Luck front man Shindou Shuichi has not made any form of communication with his recording company since he left Yuki's residence. Arrangements were made to keep this matter highly confidential until it K and company was fully aware of his current whereabouts. The phone had been ringing off the hook since yesterday. Sakano's cell phone had been ringing as well.

"Moshi? Moshi? Sakano desu." Sakano answered.

"Sakano-san, it's Hiro. Did Shuichi call?"

"No. Not yet. Is he at his parents' house?"

"No. His sister is worried. Dammit!" Hiroshi's voice was laden with worry.

"Oi! Nakano-kun, I'm sure he'll turn up soon. You know Shindou-kun. He can surprise us all."

"Well, let's just hope that surprise would be pleasant."

K walks in the conference room and notices the bespectacled recorder producer deep in conversation on the phone.

"Who's that on the phone?" K points.

"Nakano-kun."

"Give me the phone."

" Hai." Sakano hand over his phone to K.

"Hiro, this is K."

"K-san."

"Any news from Shuichi?"

"Not yet." Hiroshi sounded distracted.

"If Shuichi does not show up for the next 24 hours, I'm going to organize a task force for search and rescue." K sounded very firm and determined.

"Oh no! K-san, not yet. I'm sure he's just around the city. Let's give it more time." Hiroshi did not like the sound of that especially where K was concerned.

"Ok." K huffed.

"Arigatou, K-san." Hiro was immediately relieved. He did not like what was going through his hand when K suggested a search and rescue mission. It did not sound very assuring. Knowing Shuichi, the younger man knew how to take care of himself and would not get himself into trouble unless provoked. But it bothered him that his closest friend has not even contacted him at least.

**YUKI'S AND SHUICHI'S PENTHOUSE, PARKING BASEMENT**

Yuki gets out of his dark sedan and sees Tohma gets out of his white BMW. Yuki frowns and starts to walk quickly towards the elevator.

"Eiri-san!" Tohma rushes to catch up before the elevator doors closed.

"What are you doing here?" Yuki was irked. Tohma was definitely not one of the people he needed to see right now. Now was not a time for lecture and knowing Tohma, the other man was not going to let him go that easily.

"I just dropped by to see how you're doing." Tohma's voice sounded concerned as usual. For him Yuki was always top priority. But obviously the younger man was not going to make it easier for him.

"It's none of your business." Yuki was evasive. He was getting very impatient by the second as he looked at the floor counter.

"Of course, I make it my business. Shuichi-san is part of NG Productions and if this matter reaches the press, I become concerned. And you are my brother in law, of course." Tohma knew for a fact if anything happened to Shuichi this would cause problems for Yuki. He never wanted that.

"Just leave. I don't want anyone here."

"Eiri-san, please." Tohma was determined. Yuki gets off the elevator and being followed by Tohma. Yuki opens the door to his condo unit. They enter. The living room was a mess like someone trashed the area. Tohma stood aghast.

"What on earth happened here? Did you two have a fight?" His eyes wandered.

"No." Yuki's voice was low.

"Then how come all of his stuff is on the floor?"

"I was looking for something." Yuki sits on couch and lights a cigarette.Tohma moves Shuichi's belt bag to the corner and takes a seat beside Yuki.

"Did he leave a note?"

"No."

Tohma looked at his brother-in-law with much deeper concern. It was obvious they had a quarrel and a very serious one at that. He knew Shuichi would not take off just like that for any reason and worse he did not even inform NG of his whereabouts.

"Shindou-san hasn't mentioned anything at NG either and so I thought perhaps he's here. I'm just worried about you of course."

"I said I'm fine. Just leave me alone." Yuki impatiently inhales his cigarette. Of course he could not deny how sharp Tohma was with these things but Tohma's presence was not the least bit reassuring having learned that Shuichi has not even informed NG either. As far as everyone was concerned, Shuichi just did not want to be found.

"I'll make you some tea." Tohma stood up and walked to the kitchen.

"Where's Mika?" Yuki looked up at him.

"She's on a business trip to close the deal with one of our clients in Milan.

"Does she know about this too?"

"No." Tohma smiles at him reassuring.

"Thanks." Yuki looks away. He just wished they would be able to locate Shuichi before she returned to Japan. It was enough Tohma was here worrying about him and he did not need his sister to do the same thing as well.

"I know." Tohma knew how his wife would react to all this. She had always played an active role in trying to keep her younger brother okay. And knowing Yuki, this was not the time he needed to hear his sister's "advice". He walks to the kitchen and was just about to get the teapot when he hears a loud thud from the living room.

"EIRI!"

He quickly pulls up Yuki who has suddenly collapsed. The cigarette has fallen from his hand. Tohma puts it off on the ashtray. Yuki is beginning to moan and covers his mouth. Tohma sees blood in his hands.

**HIRO'S RESIDENCE**

Hiro is on the phone. Beside him is an ashtray overfilled with cigarette butts begging to be thrown away. His laptop computer was on and beside him on the bed.

"What happened?" Fujisaki almost boomed on the phone.

"He took off most likely."

"Well, did you try checking his parents' house?" Fujisaki tried to sound optimistic.

"Of course. Even that idiot Yuki was with me." Hiro hated the sound of the blonde's name in his lips.

"Where could he be?" Fujisaki was more puzzled and scratched his head.

"I'm really worried. K-san even wants to organize a task force to search for him if he does not show up in the next 24 hours. Shit."

"Hey! Don't you think that's too much? We don't want to happen like last time, remember?" Fujisaki frowned recalling the time Shuichi suddenly disappeared after their concert in Germany and K quickly heightened security.

"Yeah, I know. It would be even more dangerous to go public on this."

"I agree." The keyboardist nodded. They understood the implications if this leaked to the press. This was publicity they really did not need right now and create panic amongst their fans and give rise to various speculations.Hiro lights another cigarette.

"Sure you're going to be alright?"

"Yep." Hiro replied as he began to light another cigarette.

"Call me if anything comes up, okay? I can always cancel my appointments. I'll be making calls to people I know too."

"No, you go ahead. Have some fun. You haven't had much sleep since last week. We all need a break anyway." Hiro shook his head. He did not want the younger man to worry too much. They had an exhausting week on the last recording of their acoustic album and Fujisaki worked tirelessly on the musical arrangement.

"Bye now. I'll call again if I come up with something."

"Ja! You take care, Fujisaki." As soon as he put the phone down, he was staring irritated at the laptop screen

_Anou, baka! Where could Shuichi be? Dammit! I've been smoking like a chimney since yesterday. I'm sure it must have something to do with Yuki. I'm sure of it! That asshole! Dammit! Shuichi, you could at least call me._

**BACK AT NG STUDIOS**

Ryuichi walks in singing in a child-like voice. "**NA** NO NA NO NA NO NA NO DA!" He enters the conference room and notices the worried faces of Sakano and Noriko. K is impatiently smoking with his back towards everyone and facing the glass wall like he was devising a plan.

"What's going on here? Kuma-chan and I dropped by to say Hello!" He waves his hand holding the pink bunny to everyone.

"Oh hello, Sakuma-san!" Sakano smiles back wanly.Noriko she stands up from the conference table and hugs the rabbit-waving Ryuichi

"Ryu-chan!"

"Ah! Noriko-chan, what's up?" Ryuichi blinks.

"It's terrible."

"Noriko-chan, you're making me and Kumaguro nervous na no da!" He pouts.

"It's Shuichi." She frowns and sits back on the chair.

"Oh? Shu-chan? Where is he? I have been meaning to show him my new collection of…." Ryuichi became hyper.

"He's missing." K turns to him and looks at him seriously.Ryuichi looks at everyone seemingly confused.

"Missing na no da?" He asked softly while pressing the pink rabbit to his face.

"Hai. It has been more than two days since he left Yuki-san's place and he is nowhere to be found." Sakano adjusts his glasses as he replied.

"Well, you know Shu-chan. He likes to play hide and seek. We used to play together with Kumaguro at the penthouse na no da!" Ryuichi tried to keep up with his cheerful disposition but carefully evading the issue at hand.

"This is different, Ryu." Noriko looks at him sadly. Ryuichi looks deeply at Noriko and then he places Kumaguro on the table and sits down. He looks at the floor. His eyes become more serious as though he looked like someone else. The bubbly countenance he had earlier left him completely.

"Sakuma-san…." Sakano noticed the sudden change and was startled.

Silence pervaded the conference room.

The legendary NG front man stands up and walks towards the glass wall and gazes at the other buildings and the busy atmosphere down below. He knew this feeling too well. It struck a cord in him as he recalls similar events in his past where he would suddenly disappear just to be alone. There are many reasons why this was happening to his friend. Shuichi was not really the type who would just disappear without a reason. But whatever it is, he silently prayed that he would be back soon. He had a strong feeling that he was alright wherever he was. He just needed this time to be by himself. No one understood this feeling more than he can.

"I guess this time; he just doesn't want to be found."

"Ryu-chan…." Noriko looks up at him and notices the seriousness in his eyes.Ryuichi walks towards the conference table and picks up Kumaguro by the ears and silently walks towards the door but just before he closes the door behind him he looks at everyone and tries to smile a bit.

"He'll turn up soon. He's not a kid anymore. Just let him be." He closes the door behind him.

K watches the door closes and smirks. _Thanks, Ryuichi._

"I've never seen that side of Sakuma-san before." Sakano was seemingly overwhelmed with what transpired before him.

"That's because you haven't stayed long enough with him to know him to know that." Noriko looks at him nonchalantly.

K smiles and felt in control again. He felt a wave of comfort with what Ryuichi said and somehow this has quieted his growing concern for the Bad Luck vocalist. "Now that's settled. I think we really don't need to whack our brains here over Shuichi. I'm sure he'll be okay wherever he is. Anyone hungry?"

"I'll have one ramen please." Noriko smiles.

Sakano wipes his forehead and smiles back. **"**Same here."

**BACK AT HIRO'S RESIDENCE**

The phone rings and Hiro lunges at it hoping his best friend was on the other line trying to contact him. His anxiety has never improved since he learned of Shuichi's sudden disappearance.

"Moshi? Moshi?" Hiro sounded very anxious than ever.

"Babe, it's me."

"Ayaka-chan." Hiro felt a sense of relief upon hearing his girlfriend's voice and laid back on the bed.

"You sound tense. What's wrong?"

"I don't know. It's just that Shuichi left all too sudden. It's been two days."

"But isn't Bad Luck on a break this year? You guys have had a grueling concert tour last time and you just wrapped up the acoustic album last week, right?"

"I know. Well, Yuki-san suddenly shows up at the studio looking for him." Hiro's mood suddenly changes when he mentioned the blonde's name.

"Really?" Ayaka's eyes rounded. She knew too well that Yuki rarely or never visited NG unless it was extremely necessary. This proved to be one of them.

"Hai. Then he starts asking me if Shuichi was with me. Shit." Hiro sounded irked.

"How about Shindou-san's parents' place?"

"Been there. Maiko-chan is so worried about her brother." Hiro run his hand through his hair.

"Babe, are you sure you're okay? You know, I can stay with you if you like. You're worrying me too." Ayaka responded softly.

"Don't worry. I'm so sorry to tell you all this." Hiro smiled and shook his head.

"Don't say that." She cuts him. "Of course, I'm affected. He's your best friend. We've been through a lot of things already."

Hiro only sighed in agreement.

"You sure you're alright?"

"I'm sure. I hope he calls me or anyone."

"He will. You've always been there for him, babe." Ayaka tried to be reassuring at least.

"I'm really hoping."

"Oh, I got to go, babe. My parents have just arrived home." She felt very sorry to end their conversation.

"Oh okay. Thank you so much for calling."

"You try to get some rest, okay. I'll call you later tonight or in the morning."

"You got it." Hiro smiles.

"I love you." Ayaka smiles and presses the phone closer to her cheek.

"I love you too." He hangs up.

_Shit! Now Ayaka-chan's worried too. I'm going to kill you, Yuki! I must think of a plan. Dammit! Shuichi, where the hell are you, man? What's going on?_

**_WORDS FROM THE KITTY: Ryuichi and Hiro are my prime leads in this chappie. I wanted to present Ryu-chan's behavior change from the childish image to the serious one. He also happens to be one of my most beloved Gravitation characters. On Hiro and Ayaka, I wanted to make their relationship take a step further from what we see in the series. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this and I will see you at the next chapter._**


	4. TRACK 4

**HOSPITAL LOBBY**

Tatsuha is racing towards the nurses' station and was admonished by the nurses not to run in the place but he simply ignored them and stopped as soon as he spotted Tohma getting out of Yuki's suite.

"How is he?" Tatsuha asked while gasping for air.

Tohma motioned for them to sit at the cushioned seats outside of the hospital suite. "The doctor said he'll be fine but he'll need to stay in the hospital for observation."

"What's going on, Seguchi-san?" The younger Uesugi looked at him confused.

"It's Shindou-san." Tatsuha looked away.

"What happened, Seguchi-san? I don't understand. What has this got to do with Shindou-san?"

"Eiri-san isn't saying much. I dropped by his place and it's a mess there. We were about to have some tea and suddenly he collapsed. As for Shuichi it has been two days he disappeared."

"What? Why? Can I see my brother now?" Tatsuha stood up.

"He's sleeping. I think he needs to be alone for now." Tatsuha shook his head.

"Do the guys know about this? Mika-nesan?" Tatsuha sits back.

"No. It's better this way for now." Tatsuha clasps his hands.

"Well, in that case, I might as well hang out at aniki's place until he gets out of the here. I will see you tomorrow, Seguchi-san." He stands up to leave.

"Wait." Tohma stops him.

"Huh?"

"I'm coming with you."

**HIRO'S RESIDENCE. MORNING.**

Hiro is jolted from his sleep as the phone rings. He reaches for the phone sleepily.

"Yeah?"

"Hiro!" A cheery voice greeted him. Hiro bolted from his bed. "SHUICHI! You idiot! Where the hell are you? We've been looking all over for you."

"Eh? Don't see why everyone should be looking for me." Shuichi sounded indifferent.

"You left all too sudden without even saying a word. You didn't even call me."

"Dammit! Hiro, I lost my cell phone."

"WHAT? DID YOU GET MUGGED?"

"I think I left it at the hotel…..although I'm not sure really." Shuichi didn't sound like it bothered him too much.

"HOTEL? You stayed in a hotel the whole time?" Hiro was incredulous.

"Yeah."

"Anyway, are you okay? Where are you? I'll meet you there." Hiro began to quickly move away from the bed.

"Sorry, man, but I got to go now!"

"Shuichi! Oi! Where are you going?" Hiro strained to hear Shuichi's voice which now sounded muffled.

"I'll tell you when I get there. I can't stay too long. I'm at a phone booth."

"Maiko-chan is worried sick about you. What will I tell her?" Hiro began to talk rather fast.

"Tell her I'm alright. I'll try to call her when I can. There's nothing to worry about. I just need some time off. I've got stuff to do, okay?"

"Shuichi! Hey wait! Don't hang up yet!"

"I'll call you when I get there. Bye Hiro!"

"SHUICHI!"

But Shuichi has already hung up. Hiro feels suddenly lightheaded and drops to the bed again. He puts his arm over his eyes and began to chuckle to himself.

_Oh thank God, he's alright. He called me after all. Okay. He's okay. That's all that matters now. Okay, Shuichi. Do what you have to, buddy. At least, I know you're alright. Oh thank God._

**YUKI'S AND SHUICHI'S PENTHOUSE**

"WHAT IN THE WORLD HAPPENED HERE?" Tatsuha's initial reaction was similar to someone who walked inside a house that got robbed.

"That's what I wanted to find out too."

"These are Shuichi's stuff on the floor." Tatsuha exclaimed as he examined a pink and black leather binder.

"Eiri-san said he was looking for something." Tohma took a seat while looking around the littered living room.

"Like what? A pin? Aniki has literally messed everything here! Ah! Shit! Now I have to put everything back in place. This is crazy!" He proceeds to pick up things on the floor.

"Here. I'll help you."

"Oh no. It's okay. I can manage. Aniki does this sometimes." Tatsuha smiles at the gesture.

"I know that too. Don't worry." Tohma smiles in agreement.

"Arigatou, Seguchi-san."

They proceed to clear up Shuichi's things. A deafening silence was shared by the two. Tatsuha begins to feel uneasy. Tohma continues fixing and looking calm and collected as possible.

"Seguchi-san….anou….I heard Bad Luck is on a hiatus this year."

"Hai, that's right."

"Anou….how about Nittle Grasper?" _Oh there I go! I just had to ask._

"We'll be releasing the album soon."

This got the younger man all excited and fired up. " WOW! THAT'S SO GREAT!" He bites his lip. "I mean…." _Tatsuha, calm down will you?_

Tohma smiles at him knowingly. He has always known how much the younger Uesugi admired his band mate and close friend. "Sakuma-san is quite in full swing with the promotion of the album. He did all the lyric compositions in it."

"RYUICHI-SAMA!" Tatsuha could barely contain his excitement as he addressed his idol in an exalted manner but was quick to correct himself realizing he was talking with Tohma Seguchi. "I mean, Sakuma-san must be so busy, ne?" He muttered nervously.

"He sure is. That guy is like a tornado and never ceases to amaze everyone but he can be really quite surprising if he has to be."

"Wow!" Tatsuha's eyes began to turn glassy.

"I remember it was during our concert in Kyoto." Tohma reflected as he browsed casually at an art magazine with Ryuichi on the cover.

Tatsuha was quick to add. "Oh! Oh, I know that! I know that! Tickets were sold in 30 minutes flat. Till this day, I feel so blessed that I've been able to make it there. It was the MOST unforgettable experience ever." He smiles fondly at the memory. "Well, I guess every NG concert always had been that way for me."

"It sure was for us too. The concert was a major success but then something happened that time." Tohma nodded.

"Oh I remember! There was a pandemonium. I think it was during the encore part." Tatsuha began to snap his fingers.

"It was more than that." Tohma shook his head.

Tatsuha began to feel a tension and nervously asked. "Oh my God, what was it, Seguchi-san?"

"Sakuma-san suddenly walked out and no one else why he did it."

"Not even K-san?" Tatsuha found that hard to believe knowing Mr. K's reputation when it came to security matters.

"Hai. K-san went ballistic over security. Noriko-san was speechless. Mika and I began to make frantic calls to everyone we knew. We came up with nothing." Tohma chuckled.

"He actually did that?" Tatsuha suddenly felt weak.

"Hai. He just disappeared. Just like that." Tohma shrugged.

"Then what happened?" Tatsuha felt impatient.

"Well, we found out a month later, he left for Ireland."

"A MONTH LATER?" Tatsuha was aghast.

"One would expect he'd return to Tokyo or somewhere here in Japan or maybe America, England, Paris or Germany or anywhere around Asia but he chose Ireland of all places."

"Why would he do that?" He swallows hard. "Oh excuse me, Seguchi-san; this topic got me all nervous. I'm going to get a drink from the kitchen. I'll be back. Please hold the thought."

Tatsuha walks towards the kitchen. He closes door gently and leans on the door, clutching his chest. _Oh my God! My God! My Ryuichi-sama! I must be the luckiest person on earth. Oh man! I'm actually knowing all these from Seguchi-san himself. This precious mystery I didn't even know about and top it all I am getting first hand knowledge from the NG president himself and Ryuichi-sama's friend at that. This is absolutely official. Not the wild crazy and twisted rumors I get from outside. Thank you, God._

Tatsuha dashes to get water from the fridge and gulps it when he suddenly notices something on the floor.

"HOLY SHIT!" He screamed.

Tohma quickly enters the kitchen.

"Tatsuha-san, what is it?"

Tatsuha points at a blood-stained towel on the floor. "There's crusted blood on the towel. whose blood is that?"

Tohma looks at the towel. "Well, if that's not enough, I'd suggest you check out the bathroom too. I discovered something in there too just awhile ago."

Tatsuha quickly enters the bathroom.

"Huh? Oh shit! Dammit! That's blood and broken glass. Seguchi-san, did aniki have an injury or something other than collapsing?" Tatsuha was more worried than ever.

"No he didn't." Tohma crossed his arms to his chest.

"Then this blood must belong to…." Tatsuha leaned on the door.

"Shindou Shuichi."

"But why? I don't understand. I know aniki would be really such a cold fart to Shuichi but he'd never lay a finger on him…..I mean, not like this." Tatsuha was more perplexed.

"I think I'm beginning to understand why Sakuma-san suddenly walked out in Kyoto." Tohma stared at the bloody contents of the wastebasket in the bathroom.

"Seguchi-san…."

"He came at a crossroad between reality and fantasy."

**BACK IN THE HOSPITAL. YUKI'S HOSPITAL SUITE.**

Yuki wakes up. He notices he's alone and Tohma has already left. A nurse smiled at him as she made a quick check on his intravenous line and left the suite.

_I wonder if he called my brother or Mika this time. I wish he hadn't. I don't want anyone to know about this._

He pulls himself up on the bed and looks at the window.

**FLASHBACK…………**

Shuichi kisses him gently and feels his forehead.

"Feeling better, Yuki?" He gently massages his fingers and hand.

"No."

"Okay, ahm….I'll go get you some juice or something. What would you like?" Shuichi bites his lower lip and moves away from the bed.

"Where are you going?" Yuki grasps his hand.

"Out for awhile." Shuichi blinks.

"Stay."

"You sure? You don't want me to get you anything?"

"Yes."

"Okay." Shuichi pulls a chair near the bed.

"I meant right here. Yuki gestures on top of the bed.

"Are you nuts, what if the nurse walks in here?" Shuichi's eyes rounded.

"Then she can file an incident report on the chart." Yuki smirked.

"Yuki!" Shuichi laughed as he reached for his hand and kissed it.

Yuki now smiles sadly at the memory.

_Where are you, Shuichi? I'm so sorry. Please come back. _

**_WORDS FROM THE KITTY: Flashback scene here was inserted impromptu. It's my version of the scene where Yuki ends up in the hospital after vomiting blood in the series and Shu-chan visits him there. How are we doing so far? I felt sad when I wrote the flashback scene. There is something about feeling sad when you are reminded about something happy in the past. I just like the irony of it all._**


	5. TRACK 5

**HIRO'S RESIDENCE. ONE YEAR LATER. NOONTIME.**

Hiro now has ash blonde hair with red streaks that is cut shoulder length. Gone are the days where he would sport his trademark red locks although with his new hairstyle he maintained the red streaks. He is wearing his reading glasses while browsing the internet on his laptop computer on Harley Davidson models on the kitchen counter.

He hears a soft knock on the door. A middle-aged looking woman bowed slightly to inform him that he had a visitor.

"Okay, thanks Yaguchi-san. Oh man! Who could this be at this hour?" As he walked to his living room, he was greeted by a very energetic Shuichi.

"LA LI HO!"

"SHUICHI!"

Shuichi glomped him and the two best friends hugged each other tightly. They released and Hiro took the time to rake in his friend's new appearance. His eyes are rounded and mouth open.

"What?" Shuichi snickers.

"Shu….Shuichi….it really is you, ne?" Hiro stammers.

"Of course, it's me, baka! Well, aren't you going to say anything else or are you just going to stand there with your mouth open?" He narrows his eyes and points in mock admonishment. "Ah! You're drooling, Hiro!"

Hiro blushes and gives him a playful punch to the chin. "Eh? Gods! Shuichi…this is such a surprise and oh man!" His eye follows Shuichi and scratches his head as the younger man began his tour around the house.

"Cool pad, Hiro. I think I should crash here more often." Shuichi was not the least fazed with his friend's notice of his new appearance. He was rather more amazed with Hiro's new house. It was quite different compared to his. It was a sharp contrast to the kind of rock-and-roll personality Hiro exuded in the public eye. His house had a bright and homey effect on Shuichi. It is no surprise to Shuichi since he has known Hiro almost all their lives. He walks around the place and checks out the living room, kitchen, bathroom and finally the bedroom. He sits on the bed looking at the walls with framed pictures of Bad Luck promotional posters.

Shuichi smiles and bounces on the bed while sitting. "This is one good bed. Very strong."

"That's where all the action is." Hiro smirks.

Shuichi merely smiles at the comment then lies on his stomach and reaches for a paperback book on the bedside table. The guitarist always had reading materials in every area of the house. Hiro props himself on the small couch near the bed and still looking at him.

"When did you arrive, Shuichi?"

"Two days ago." He replied as he browsed at the book.

"How's Seoul?"

"I love it!" Shuichi grinned and snapped the book shut and placed it back on the bedside table.

"Oh man! Damn! You look great!" Hiro still could not get over Shuichi's new look.

"I look terrible, Hiro. You should see me when I'm asleep." Shuichi childishly stuck out his tongue at the older man.

"No man! Seriously! You really look great. You've been changing your looks so often that I'm having a hard time tracking you."

"You look great yourself, you know. That ash blonde hair suits you quite well. Who knew the great Hiroshi would switch his red locks to blonde, hmmmm?" Shuichi smiles and proceeds to lie on his back scanning the magazine closer to his face. The magazine cover was also of Bad Luck with Shuichi on the cover in bright crimson dyed hair.

"This blue black dyed wavy hair of yours now suits you so well. You're not skinny like before. You're glowing, man!" Shuichi is wearing a neon pink shirt with the inscription that says 'Kami' and blue denim jeans.

Shuichi puts down magazine and sits up and frowns. "Have you had any lunch, Hiro? You describe me like I'm good enough to eat."

Hiro approaches the bed and leans closer to him and smiles. "Well, I just might have to eat you right here."

Shuichi reaches for a pillow and playfully whacks it on Hiro's face. Hiro loved to tease him and they would flirt at each other outrageously. This playful banter they shared since they have been friends had its benefits when they were in public performances. It never failed to drive their fans wild and excited which spawned series of fan services and curiosity. Fujisaki always played it straight when the two were at it again. Occasionally Shuichi would do the famed piano duet with Fujisaki and kiss the surprised keyboardist on the neck. To die-hard Nittle Grasper fans (Bad Luck members included), this was just a subtle demonstration of one of Ryuichi's antics onstage with Tohma. This was a favorite for Shuichi; however, Fujisaki wasn't as game as his cousin Tohma then.

"Man, you're not only hungry, you need a cold shower. Get dressed! We're going out."

"Wow! This is new." Hiro laughs.

"I thought I'd take you out sometime. You're usually the one who treats me." He picks up a stuffed teddy bear on the cabinet. "I didn't know you like teddy bears." He waves the teddy at Hiro.

"No, you idiot! That's a gift."

Shuichi raises an eyebrow. "Someone gave you a teddy bear?" It wasn't much of a surprise really since they usually received gifts from lots of people especially their fans but he knew too well Hiro wasn't really crazy about teddy bears. He preferred cards with funny messages with creative designs. On the other hand, Shuichi and Fujisaki got the plushies instead.

"It's a gift to be given. It's not mine."

"Ayaka-chan?" Shuichi nudges him.

"Hai. That's a special teddy bear. It's customized. I had it especially made from KCU. KCU stands for Kumaguro Collection Unlimited. One of the many companies owned by Ryuichi Sakuma.

"REALLY? This is a cool gift. You've outdone yourself, Hiro. Ayaka-chan's going to marry you for sure." He hugs the bear and inspects its tummy pocket.

"Well, make yourself comfortable. I'll just get ready." He takes off his shirt and enters the bathroom.

"Take your time. By the way, I'm driving the car." Shuichi begins to play with the bear and makes it walk on his stomach.

"Yours or mine?" Hiro chuckles as he watches Shuichi play with the bear.

"Mine." Shuichi smiles and kisses the bear.

**INSIDE SHUICHI'S CAR LEAVING THE RESTAURANT.**

"Man! That was a great meal." Hiro belches and rubs his stomach.

"Told ya!" Shuichi smiles as he inserts the key into the ignition.

"How come I didn't know about this place? We should do this again next time."

"A friend recommended this place. I told him I was going to take you here one day." Shuichi smiled as he remembered his old friend Yamaguchi, the driver.

"Ok, where to next?"

"I thought we'd go shopping. What do you say?"

"Good idea. Oh yeah, there's something I'd also like you to see. I was wondering if Ayaka-chan will like it."

"All right! Let's go!"

**OUTDOOR CAFÉ.**

"Sensei, I would also like to know about what you think of the business proposal I submitted to you last week?" Mizuki, Yuki's longtime editor looked at him as she sipped her mocha frappe.

"I'm looking into it but I think I'm going to reconsider." Yuki taps his cigarette on the glass ashtray.

"Very good. Then I will just have to confer this with the other investors regarding your decision." Mizuki smiled.

"Whatever." Yuki inhaled again. It was a very good proposal indeed but the thought of leaving Japan for an indefinite length of time has occupied his mind for the longest time. Too much had happened here and too many memories. Just a table away from where they sat, Yuki overhears a conversation between two girls.

"Oh my God! Oh my God! Miyuki-chan, you will so not believe what I just found out today?" A high-school uniform clad girl in pigtails glomped her companion.

"Did you find that watch you were obsessing about last Tuesday?" The other girl looks up to her while munching on a bagel sandwich.

"Way more than that!" The hyper girl shook her head.

"What is it then?"

"Okay, are you ready?" She drums the table excitedly.

"Okay, what?" She drinks her juice and wipes her mouth off the cream cheese filling of her bagel.

"Two Bad Luck members were spotted right in this mall!"

"HOLY SHIT! NO WAY! OH MY GOD! NO WAY! ARE YOU SERIOUS? I'M SO GONNA KILL YOU IF YOU'RE JUST TRIPPING ME!" The girl dropped her bagel and grabbed her friend's shoulders.

"I swear on my Gravitation collection, I am not tripping you, girl. We have got to see them NOW! There are a lot of people hounding the boutique they are in." She pulled her friend's arm and they left the café immediately.

Yuki puts out his cigarette on the ashtray and stands up suddenly. Mizuki looks up at him in surprise.

"Where are you going?"

"You have my number, right?" Yuki grabs his coat.

"Hai." She nods.

"Just call me later so we can discuss more about it further." Yuki replied.

Yuki had no idea what boutique it would be. But the screaming of people seemed closer. It was not hard to find. He could still spot the two girls racing inside the mall. He just had to follow them. He felt like running himself but he could not risk attracting attention to himself.

It was a gift shop. The entrance had been closed. Security was desperately trying to keep the screaming girls from forcing the door open. Some of the people were pounding at the glass display window. Women and young girls were jumping, screaming and shrieking. Even young men were jumping to get a glimpse of the two rock stars inside the shop. The shop itself has been filled with people, rising for autographs, pens, paper, hats, and handkerchief. People were waving. It was a pandemonium. The passage way had been blocked because of the number of people that trooped at the shop.

Yuki tried to get advantage of his height by taking a look but all he saw were heads and hands waving inside the shop. The sales ladies inside looked just as excited as anyone else. It was futile to get a better look. The people were so many and it was getting very warm and uncomfortable.

**SHUICHI'S CAR. HIRO IS NOW THE ONE DRIVING.**

Hiro is laughing loudly while he taps the steering wheel. Shuichi tries to catch his breath and laughing. "Damn! That was close! I thought I'd never get out of there alive."

"Those girls are on a rampage!"

"Remind me not to go shopping with you again. You're too dangerous!"

"And so were you! So where to next, o Shuichi-sama?" Hiro snickers.

"Somewhere where there are no girls chasing us, o Hiro-chan!" Shuichi grins.

Laughter ensues as they drive the car on the highway.

**NG BUILDING. SEGUCHI TOHMA'S OFFICE.**

Tohma is on the phone. "Hai. We will discuss the production costs for Sakuma-san's film project, Hideki-san. Hai. Hai. Very, well gather your staff and there will be a press conference after lunch tomorrow."

Tohma hangs up and turns his chair towards the tinted glass window and stares at the other nearby buildings.

_I need an aspirin._

The phone rings again.

_Oh what now again? This better be good news._

"Seguchi-sama, Uesugi-san is on line 3. He says it's urgent." His executive secretary asks him.

"Okay. Thanks, Hanamiya-san. I'll take it." He clicks the receiver.

"Tohma." Yuki sounded tense.

"Eiri-san?"

"There's something I need to discuss with you."

"Hmmm…where are you?"

"My place."

"I'll be holding a meeting with my staff in 5 minutes. I'll try to be there in an hour, would that be okay?" Tohma looks at his watch.

"Okay."

**THE PENTHOUSE**

Yuki is sitting in his study. Lap top is open but not turned on. He stares at the blank screen. He puts down his cigarette and looks at the coffee mug.

_**FLASHBACK…….**_

_Yuki is typing and Shuichi walks in the study. He sits on the table just beside the lap top. He looks at Yuki closer and his head is covering the laptop monitor._

"_Yuuuukiiii!"!_

"_I'm busy." He continues typing and ignoring him._

"_Ne, ne, Yuki! Look at me!"_

"_No."_

"_Look at me please."_

"_You're blocking the screen, idiot." Yuki tries to pry away Shuichi's head from the screen._

"_Oh, okay." He pouts. He goes down and gently puts his arms around Yuki's neck and presses his face closer to Yuki's cheek_

"_Yuki!" He giggles._

"_What?" Yuki still continues to type._

"_Don't I smell good?"_

"_Hn." Yuki was fighting not to get distracted again. His mind was racing with the words he is typing and inhaling Shuichi's scent which was making him drop his resolve._

"_Yuki, I just need a second of your attention."_

"_I'm trying to work here." He tried to sound firm._

"_Please?" Shuichi presses his face with his arms still around Yuki's neck._

"_No."_

_Silence. All is heard is Yuki's typing. Shuichi bites his lip. He gently takes away his arms around Yuki._

"_Sorry, Yuki. It's really a bad time. I'll go to sleep now. Don't stay up too late okay. Good night, love." He plants a soft kiss on Yuki's cheek. _

_This makes Yuki stop his furious typing and pulls the younger man closer to him._

"_Eh?" Shuichi blinks._

"_Where do you think you're going?" Yuki narrows his eyes._

"_Sleep."_

_Yuki pulls Shuichi closer and props him on the table to sit. He stands up from chair and leans closer to Shuichi._

"_Why were you annoying me just now?" Yuki leers at him._

"_Anou…forget it." Shuichi chuckles nervously._

"_What is it?"_

"_I just….ahm….wanted to say goodnight and I love you." The younger man tries to avoid the blonde's stare and looks down._

_Yuki proceeds to press his face to Shuichi's neck and carefully lays Shuichi on the table._

"_Hmmm….you're right, you do smell good." He sniffs._

"_Yuki!" Shuichi begins to moan as Yuki is trailing feathery kisses to his neck and playfully nibbling his ear. "Here?"_

"_Why not?" Yuki is still kissing him._

"_But this is where you work." Shuichi is gently running his hands on the blonde hair._

"_Funny….I suddenly developed a slump." Yuki grins._

"_Yuuuuukiiiii!" Shuichi giggles._

**_WORDS FROM THE KITTY: Basically I went straight to the point here. The search for missing Shuichi is over. He left for Seoul, yes. I also wanted to make him more in control now. I also wanted to shed a bit of the hyperactive kid in him. He's not 19 anymore. He's been scarred pretty deep. He has career and fame to deal with. I wanted to show him in a very different light and darn right sexy. I've portrayed Yuki here also differently. Now he's the one doing the chasing. The depth of his guilt is something I played up here to a certain degree. While I made no mention of Yuki in any of Shuichi's scene here. Flashback scene here is also one of my favorite. _**


	6. TRACK 6

**_First of all i would like to thank everyone who checked out this fic of mine. 1362 HITS! i'm practically blushing and purring here. you made this kitty warm and fuzzy. i also like to hug all who have put this story on their story alert and fave list. muah! muah! muah! you're the best readers ever. now on to the story..._**

**_ disclaimer: i don't own any of the gravitation characters even if i pray so hard. won't happen at all. but i certainly own Hiro's beach planet here. heheheh!  
_**

**BEACH.**

Hiro pulls over. Shuichi gets out of the car and walks straight to the sand. Hiro follows him from behind. They both survey the area as far as their eyes could see.

"So what do you think?" Hiro puts his hands on his waist.

The beach was breathtaking with its crystal clear waters and creamy white sands. There were no people around other than resort staff who appeared once in awhile, other than that everything was for their own pleasure.

"Amazing, Hiro." Shuichi still could not get over his amazement at the beautiful lush environment they are in.

"I come here once in a while when I like to meditate or think straight."

"A retreat." Shuichi added and not taking his eyes away from the waters.

"Yep, you could say that." Hiro nodded.

"This is a resort. How come there are no people around here?" Yuki looks at him.

"It's private." Hiro smiles.

"OH MY GODS! So who owns this cool place?" Shuichi's eyes widened.

"You're looking at him." Hiro smiles simply.

"YOU!" Shuichi pointed at him. It was definitely a secret paradise. He always knew Hiro had a fondness for the beach since they were young but to actually own one was truly a dream come true. He felt so happy for him as the place was a very lucrative investment as well knowing Hiro had a knack at business management. He was always the smart one and Shuichi felt so proud of him.

"It's been a secret dream of mine to live on a beach. Just me. The sand. Water. The sound of the waves. Nature at its finest. Unadulterated. Peace." Hiro shrugs his shoulders and looks at the waters again.

"Does Ayaka-chan know about this?" Shuichi begins to take off his shoes and roll his jeans up to his knees.

"Not yet. It's going to be a surprise."

Shuichi smiles and runs along the shore yelling. Hiro watches him fondly. He begins to take his shoes off too and rolls his pants and sits along the shore.

"This is more than a surprise, Hiro! This is perfection!" Shuichi kicking water by the shoreline.

"I LOVE HER!" Hiro said aloud.

"AND SHE LOVES YOU VERY MUCH!" Shuichi runs back to Hiro and sits beside him while he picks up a random sea shell and throws it to the water.

"I thought I'd never find a love like that. Looking back, I felt I was a mere substitute and all." Hiro closes his eyes.

"And she proved you wrong that day at our concert in Hokkaido." Shuichi hugs his knees and smiles at the memory.

"Oh yeah! And what an attitude she got! The concert tour was taking a tremendous toll on me that I collapsed onstage. It was so embarrassing!" Hiro laughs as they recalled that fateful day.

"I remember she was backstage and she was the first to jump in the scene. Fujisaki and I had to keep the show going." Shuichi added.

"She kept the reporters away from my dressing room. She handled it so well even K-san was amazed." Hiro shook his head.

"And you ended up in the hospital." Shuichi leaned on his best friend's shoulder as he recalled how worried they were when Hiro collapsed. Shuichi still could not come up with a sensible answer how he and Fujisaki kept the show going without Hiro. He never wanted something like that to happen again. They had to downsize their performance because Shuichi was getting increasingly upset and worried but at the same time they tried their best not to disappoint their fans who filled the concert arena to the hilt. They had to install a giant screen for the fans who were not able to get in.

"While we were in the ambulance, she held my hand so tight. Only then the tears were rolling down her face and she asked, "Do you like me to stay with you?" Hiro put his arm around Shuichi and squeezed his shoulder.

"What did you say?" Shuichi's eyes rounded.

"Well, of course I apologized for making her go through all of that. Told her I'd be alright and she could go home or go back to the concert but she squeezed my hand and then kissed me." Hiro blushed.

"Wow!" Shuichi smiled warmly.

"Right after we released, she whispered, "I want to be beside you always." And then everything we had made sense to me. I felt so confident about how I felt for her and what she felt for me. The barrier was gone."

"You deserve a lot of love, man." Shuichi patted his lap.

"I'm just so happy." Hiro presses his cheek closer to Shuichi's head.

A silence was shared by the two. Hiro is smiling while Shuichi fixes his gaze at the waters. He looks like he is thinking deeply.

"Does that mean I'm going to receive an invitation anytime soon?" Shuichi nudges.

"I was in Kyoto last month to see her parents. Oh, I'll show you something too." Hiro chuckles and takes out his wallet from his jacket and hands a picture to Shuichi.

"Hiro! Ah YOU LOOK SO COOL! I had absolutely no idea you look smashing wearing this traditional Japanese costume. You even tied your hair like a samurai. You two look so beautiful together." Shuichi stared at the picture in admiration.

"We were having so much fun together that day. That was also the day I proposed." Hiro grinned.

"Really?" Shuichi looked misty-eyed.

"Hai. She cried so hard and we held each other like neither of us wanted to let go of the other."

"Hmmm….so can I have this picture?" Shuichi smiles.

"Oh no way, man! That's precious!" Hiro tries to take the picture back.

"Oh really? Let's see!" Shuichi stands up and runs across the seashore.

"Oi! Shuichi! You idiot! Give it back!" He starts to chase him.

"Not until you can catch me, lover boy!" Shuichi laughs while waving the picture at him. Hiro is laughing too and tries to tag Shuichi who was still up for the chase.

**THE PENTHOUSE**

Tohma knocks on the door. Yuki opens.

"Konnichiwa, Eiri-san." Tohma gives him his trademark smile.

"Come in."

Tohma enters the living room and notices it has not changed since the Bad Luck singer has left. Everything was in order since Yuki liked to keep things that way but it held a gloominess that was very palpable to anyone who visited his home. It has always been a rare occasion for the novelist to invite his brother-in-law since he did not like guests at his house. He became somewhat of a recluse despite his fame never dwindling. His bestsellers just kept coming but Yuki now rarely agreed to public appearances as compared to the time he and Shuichi were still together.

"No. I had some in the office." He waves off and proceeds to sit on the leather couch.

"Thought I'd return to New York."

"Eiri-san…." Tohma looked at him uneasily. New York always had painful memories attached to it and the way Yuki was living alone now without the energetic pop-rock idol, it worried him that New York would make it worse for the younger man.

"I was hoping it would be for the best." Yuki sipped his coffee and looked at him as though understanding his concerns.

"How long have thought about this?" Tohma frowns.

"Too long. I kept ditching the idea once in a while but it keeps coming."

"I'm not wont to interfere in your affairs anymore, Eiri-san, but is it worth it?" Tohma was clearly against it but he thought it best to let Yuki decide what he thinks is best for him. Much as he wanted to protect his brother-in-law but there are matters beyond his control. The last time he intervened in the couple's relationship, Eiri refused to talk to or have anything to do with him for a year.

"I can always continue my work there. I've also been receiving a lot of proposals to get my works published in other different languages aside from English, German, French and Spanish. I've been informed that there is a high demand for my novels to be published in Italian, Portuguese, Chinese, Korean, Swahili and other languages I can't recall right now."

"That's a very effective way of putting it." Tohma gives him a quick smile.

"I know you'd agree. I know how you run things in your company. You're never satisfied. You want to promote NG globally and you succeeded." Yuki smirks and looks at him.

"But our objectives are different, Eiri-san." Tohma adjusts himself on the couch.

"I also thought a new environment would suit my needs." Yuki looks away. It was not an easy decision. He has always understood the bad memories New York was attached to but he hoped the fast paced lifestyle there would make him forget a lot of things here in Japan.

"I can see that." Tohma shrugs his shoulders. He looks at the entire living room. A stack of Bad Luck albums neatly displayed near the stereo. He picks up a _Hyper Pop Beat _magazine on the coffee table with Shuichi on the front cover. His hair dyed snow-white, even his eyebrows and eyelashes. His eyes outlined with blue eyeliner which gave him a very intense look. Tohma looks at Yuki who is drinking coffee from Shuichi's mug. He shakes his head and begins to browse the magazine. Since their separation, Yuki managed to keep himself well-informed of Shuichi's latest exploits in show business owing much to Tohma's network of resources. Yet despite the quick access to such exclusive updates, Yuki still remained in the dark when it came to Shuichi's personal life. This is where the Bad Luck singer outwitted everyone. He became extremely private on this matter only sharing very little if none at all. Curiosity of Shuichi's life never dwindled that even tabloids find it hard to dig deep into his life. Shuichi perfected the art of dodging questions whenever the public asked him for answers he did not want to divulge yet maintaining a very healthy relationship with his adoring and loyal fans and members of the press. He was very visible to the world and balanced his public and private life. Not even his best friend Hiro could be convinced to leak such private matters concerning the idol. As far as everyone knew the two shared a bond that was stronger than mere friendship, they respected each other's space too well that had always been second nature to them.

"I'm thinking maybe I'll book my flight next week." He takes another sip of the coffee from Shuichi's mug.

"So soon?" Tohma raises the magazine to his face.

"I don't see why not." He looks at Tohma but upon seeing the magazine with Shuichi on the cover, he quickly turns away.

"You sure this is going to solve everything?" Tohma puts down the magazine on the table.

"What's there to solve?"

"You know exactly what I'm referring to." Tohma leans back further on the couch and crosses his arms to his chest maintaining eye contact with the other blonde.

"Did you come here to accuse me?" Yuki is suddenly impatient and puts the mug on the glass coffee table.

"No. I came here because you asked me to. I'm not here to accuse you of anything." Tohma retorted matter-of-factly.

"Sorry." Yuki takes a seat beside him.

"Don't be." Tohma smiles and taps his back reassuringly.

"I just hope things would be a lot more different this time. I can't be bothered like this. This is trouble I don't need. I have enough insanity to waste precious time and money for fucking doctor appointments." Yuki inhales deeply.

"Why so far away?"

"I need to….to distance myself." Yuki puts his knuckles to his lips.

"You've done that before only to return." Tohma remembered it too well.

"I was different then."

"Don't you think it's about time you stopped the chase?"

"What chase?" Yuki frowns.

"Chasing yourself away?"

"That sounds very strange coming from you, Tohma. You of all people." Yuki narrows his eyes.

"Back then, you were so young then, Eiri-san. What happened to you wasn't right. I did what I had to do for you. But the reasons are not the same as they are now."

"You have a better explanation?" Yuki scoffs.

"I don't have all the answers. I never did. Only God knows whether most of my actions and decisions have been right or not. But I don't have time to regret over them. I have my fears too." Tohma closes his eyes and runs his hand on his hair.

"I don't want to hold back anymore. I don't want to regret too. I've done that a lot….almost all my life."

"It won't hurt to reconsider the matter at hand. Give yourself a little more time." Tohma tried not to sound pleading.

"Sometimes I don't even know what I really want. And the more I delay it; I might come to a point that I might not be able to see the difference anymore."

"Not unless you keep the distractions at bay and focus on the problem at hand. I'm sure you'll find what you're searching for."

"What if it turns out to be not what I had imagined or expected to be? What if I never find it? What if….the damage is beyond repair?" Yuki's voice was low.

Tohma looks at Yuki and moves closer to him and puts an arm on his shoulder. "It's never too late to start all over again. I really don't see why there is a reason to give it all up having gone this far."

"So easy for you to say." Yuki smirks.

"Yes, I know. It's definitely something hard to do but then, what's wrong in doing it?" Tohma gestures with his other hand.

"I sometimes wished I had your optimism." Yuki covers his face.

"Survival is the key to unlock everything. If you've come to a certain point, there's no other way but to walk further, no turning back. Optimism is what turns that key." Tohma was definitely speaking from experience. Yuki acknowledged the fact Tohma had always been protective of him but he also knew too well how strong the other man's convictions were and his drive to succeed making NG a multi-billion company which has expanded globally. His optimism is legendary.

"I will try." Yuki breathes deeply.

"I believe you would." Tohma beams at him. _Yes, Tohma's infectious smile is legendary as well._

**_WORDS FROM THE KITTY: In a sense, I wanted to show that being in the music business can surely come a long way. Hiro can afford to buy a private island getaway! Also there wasn't a water scene in the Gravitation series and so I thought why not? It would be a perfect place for privacy. Yuki and Tohma scene here is something I intended to be dealt with in a more adult-like and less dramatic manner. These are matured, very successful and serious individuals. Tohma knows a lot about Yuki and so Yuki do not make scenes with him here. I also portrayed Tohma not as the smothering type. Just a straight-forward guy. A very reliable friend. But much as well all know that the issue here is Shuichi….I made sure none of them would mention his name here. You will also notice that I have kept the Japanese words to a bare minimum as compared to the time this fic was first published as well as added insight into the character's thoughts like Shuichi's private and public life. You will not find this in the previous publication._**


	7. TRACK 7

**_Disclaimer: I absolutely do not own Gravitation except for the sexy Kenjo Matsuoka you will meet here. _**

_**THE REASON. ONE YEAR AGO. A WEEK BEFORE THAT FATEFUL NIGHT AT THE PENTHOUSE.**_

Yuki comes in. He takes off his coat and casually tosses it on the bed. He loosens his tie. He goes out to the mini bar and pours himself some wine. He takes out his cigarette case, flips a stick and lights up.

The phone rings and he settles his lighted cigarette on the ashtray.

"Hai." Yuki adjusts the phone in between his shoulder and cheek while taking off his cufflink.

"Ne, Yuki! I'll be home in an hour, okay! Then we're going to have a nice dinner together." Shuichi was speaking in a hurried tone.

"Hn." Yuki continued to take off the other cuff link.

"I can't wait to see you tonight." Shuichi replied excitedly.

"Okay."

"Love you. Got to go!"

Yuki puts down the receiver. He could not hide the smile etched on his face. Today was going to be somewhat of a mini celebration for him since one his novels were considered to be serialized on radio. Shuichi was blazing with happiness and pride for him and was promoting it whenever possible. He moves to the cushioned couch. He picks up the remote control and turns on the television. He began flipping channels. He settled on a music channel instead.

A Rage Beat Concert.

He took a sip from his glass and relaxed himself. The J-rock band Rage Beat was also familiar. It had been one of those popular acts now. He smirked at the thought. The concert has been going on for quite some time. The vocalist Kenjo Matsuoka was not bad. He had always been very vocal of his admiration of the band Bad Luck that he formed his own band naming it one of Bad Luck's most successful hits. He had powerful vocals…..although his style is quite different from…..Yuki smirked again at the thought of comparison with a certain strawberry colored haired idiot he knows. He smoked his cigarette. Bad Luck also appealed to the J-pop genre despite establishing themselves in the J-rock scene while Rage Beat was more into the J-rock genre and jazz.

Then…..

Shuichi walks onto the stage wearing a frilled white shirt exposing his clavicles as well as brown leather wet-looking pants and boots. He was a sight to behold. Frantic screams from the audience and applause thundered the concert hall.

Yuki raised an eyebrow. _Well, well, what do we have here?_

Shuichi was doing a duet with Kenjo. He approaches. He flashes a very cute smile at the audience. He waves at the audience. Screams followed. Kenjo takes the lead. Shuichi smiles at Kenjo. Kenjo winks at him. Shuichi puts the microphone on the stand and holds it as he looks intently at the audience. It was a love song. One of Rage Beat's most popular hits. Shuichi hums to the tune.

Kenjo walks behind him and continues singing. Kenjo is taller than Shuichi. He puts an arm around Shuichi's shoulder. Still singing. The camera closes up on Kenjo giving a very seductive stare. Shuichi looks down and smirks. Camera closes up on Kenjo's hand as it slowly goes down Shuichi's waist. Then he pulls him closer. He is leaning his head on Shuichi's shoulder. Their faces are so close. They continue singing. Their faces are inches apart now then Shuichi pulls away and lean slightly towards Kenjo's shoulder. Kenjo's hand slowly snakes dangerously inside Shuichi's white frilled shirt and pulls him for a kiss.

Camera closes up on the kiss and then pans on the audience in pandemonium then back at the singing duo. Shuichi closes his eyes. They now share the same microphone. They reach chorus.

Song ends. They each gave a dazed look at each other. Screams and shrieks from the audience reverberated the concert hall. Kenjo and Shuichi share a tight hug. Shuichi exits while waving at the audience. Kenjo blows a kiss and says his name to the audience. Euphoric screams and ecstatic clapping followed.

Yuki turns off the television and crushes the cigarette in his hand.

Two hours have passed.

A knock on the door is heard then opened. The living room had the lights turned off which made Shuichi wonder what was it with the blackout. He fumbled for the switch. He sets the bottle of champagne and a small gift-wrapped box on the coffee table. He sees Yuki smoking and seated on the couch.

"I'M HOME, YUKI!"

He kisses him on the lips and hugs him. Yuki keeps his eyes open, practically unmoved by the gesture.

"Ne, what's up?" Shuichi blinks.

Yuki stares off stands up and walks toward the bedroom and slams the door shut.

"Yuki, what's wrong? I'm sorry; I had to be at a press conference. I had no idea it would take a lot longer than expected. There were a lot of questions, you see. I was delayed. I really wanted to come home sooner."

Silence.

Shuichi stands up from the couch and begins to knock on the door.

"Yuki! Open the door please. What's going on? I need to know. Are you okay?"

Silence.

"Yuki talk to me please. I won't stop pounding this door until you open it. Yuki! Yuki! Yuki! What's going on?" Shuichi continues to pound on the door. Door suddenly opens. Shuichi nearly falls forward. He looks at Yuki wide-eyed and wondering. Yuki glares at him which made Shuichi nervous.

"You slut." He hisses.

"What did you just call me?" Shuichi is aghast.

"How much more fame do you need that you'd go so far for it?" Yuki grimly looked at him.

"I don't understand what you're talking about." Shuichi frowned obviously confused.

"Rage Beat concert."

"Huh?" Shuichi blinked.

"Kenjo Matsuoka."

"So what about him?" Shuichi shrugged.

"I bet you enjoyed that so much having his hands snaking around you." Yuki looked at him testily.

Shuichi looks at him dumbfound and suddenly snorts and breaks down laughing. Yuki looks away, even more impatient with Shuichi's laughter.

"Oh Yuki! That was fan service. Kenjo and I had a quick talk about that beforehand. It's scripted. There's just no way we'd go too far than that. You can even confirm it with anyone at NG and the whole concert production. I agreed to be his guest because we're friends." Shuichi is trying to explain in between catching his breath and his laughing fit.

"Friendship even allows such an act like that in public? How about Hiro?" Yuki's impatience is strongly felt in his voice.

"What has Hiro got to do with this? This is insane!" Shuichi walks towards the coach.

"OF COURSE IT IS!" Yuki yells at him.

"KEEP HIRO OUT OF THIS! WHAT'S HE EVER DONE TO YOU?" Shuichi stands up and yells back at him. It annoyed the hell out of him whenever anyone, Yuki especially, tried to drag his close friend Hiro in situations where he had nothing to do with.

Yuki drew in his breath sharply.

Shuichi rolls his eyes. "Yuki! I don't believe this! This is show business. This is where I work. It's fan service. I don't even know why in the world the fans ask for it but we try to indulge them once in a while and this is the very first time I did this. Right after the show, we all have our own lives to deal with."

Yuki stares off and sits on the couch. Shuichi approaches him and sits beside him. He puts his hand on Yuki's thigh and looks at him imploringly.

"Yuki, this is merely shock factor. It's nothing personal. You know I'd never go further than that. I wouldn't allow it. Yuki please….you know you're the only man I'd go the distance for. You know there's no one else. You have always known that. I'm yours." Shuichi explains softly.

Yuki looks at him closely and lifts his chin with his finger.

"Mine, huh?"

Shuichi nods.

"Any more words?"

"I love you, Yuki."

"Sure you do." Yuki scoffs.

"But I really do!" Shuichi looks at him pleadingly.

"Then I'll just have to make you realize properly who you truly belong to." Yuki's voice is stern. He stands up from the couch and pulls Shuichi by the hand. He grabs his waist and pulls him inside the bedroom.

"Yuki….Ah….no wait!…..Yuki…." Shuichi is visibly scared now.

Yuki slams the door shut and flings Shuichi to the bed. Shuichi hits his head on the wooden headboard. He massages the back of his head and tries to squirm away from Yuki who is now glaring at him. Yuki pulls his feet then pins Shuichi's leg with his knee and proceeds to tear off his clothing.

"Yuki….no….not like this…..please……don't." Shuichi begins to panic and tries to fight to keep his clothes on but Yuki was overpowering him. He tries to hold off Yuki's insistent hands on him but to no avail. Yuki was a lot stronger and determined and very angry.

"Yuki….NO! Stop this! Please Yuki! Stop this! You're hurting me!"

Yuki turns Shuichi's naked body to lie on his stomach. He pins his hands to his sides.

"You're mine, Shuichi. All mine. Mine alone." He breathes to his ear.

"Yuki….please don't…." Shuichi is crying and pleading.

"Shut up! I'll make sure you won't forget this."

Sudden screams followed by moans and muffled cries are heard from the room.

**THE AFTERMATH**

Yuki rolls away from Shuichi. He gets off the bed and puts on his clothes scattered on the carpeted floor. He looks at Shuichi and walks out of the room. Shuichi begins to pull the blanket all over him. His body ached all over. He tries to get off the bed and drags himself to the mirror. His hair was in disarray. His lower lip was bruised and bitten. He notices bruises on his arms and shoulders. His neck is reddened. His cheeks flushed. His legs hurt. He pulls the blanket to cover him. He didn't want to see anymore. His torn clothes remained on the floor. He stares at them. He opens the closet and finds a robe. He puts it on with his eyes closed. He still didn't want to see how his body looked like. It was hurting all over. He walks to a nearby drawer and takes out a bottle of pills. He lies back on the bed again. He felt very sick and dizzy. His eyes were blurry. He takes a certain amount of pills. His hands are shaking. He presses his face on the pillows. He touches his lip and a stinging sensation is felt. Tears began to flow and he closes his eyes praying for sleep to overcome him.

While in the living room, Yuki is smoking. He grabs his car keys and leaves the condominium.

Shuichi heard the close of the door and more tears followed. His head was still pounding from the pain when he knocked his head on the headboard of the bed. The tears kept flowing and it was making his eyes sore. _Gods! What the fuck did I get myself into?_ He made a fist and punched the bed only to make his head hurt even more. The more it hurt, the more he punched the bed and grabbed a pillow and flung it to the nearby lampshade. The lampshade crashed and Shuichi cried harder. He groaned and tried to massage the back of his head to no avail. _Make it stop! Gods! Make it stop! Make me sleep! MAKE ME DIE!_

He screamed and flung another pillow only this time it merely dropped on the floor.

Hours past, Yuki returns home.

The place was still quiet. The bedroom door was still closed. He notices the gift-wrapped box on the table. He reads the card.

"_**Yuki,**_

_**Happy Birthday, my love. I hope you like it.**_

_**Shuichi"**_

Yuki swallows. He opens the box. His eyes widen. A gasp escapes his lips. The box contained a sterling silver wrist chain, a royal blue necktie and a pair of gold cufflinks with YS initials. He stares at the contents of the box and lays them back gently on the table.

_Shuichi….._

He stands up from the couch and enters the bedroom. He finds Shuichi covered in blanket. He sits beside him. The sight of his bruised lips made him shudder. He begins to smooth his hair. He takes his hand and notices a bottle beside him.

_SLEEPING PILLS?_

It was his. These were prescribed by his doctor for his insomnia which he got too often from working on his book. _How much did Shuichi take?_

He lifts Shuichi from the bed. He checks his breathing. Shuichi was breathing very slowly but weakly and almost inaudibly. Yuki gently shakes him.

"Shuichi, oh my God! How much did you take?"

He proceeds to cradle Shuichi in his arms and shakes him but no response came. He was getting scared.

"This can't be happening. You must wake up. Oh God, what have I done?"

He fumbles for the telephone on the bedside table and dials his doctor. It is at this moment Shuichi begins to moan.

"Shuichi?" Yuki immediately puts the phone down and tries to hold back his tears and cradles him closer to his chest. Shuichi tries to open his eyes and looks at him dazed and confused. "Yu….Yuki….I…." He flinches at Yuki's touch but his lips are quivering.

Yuki embraces him. Shuichi winces from the pain as Yuki holds him in his shoulders. Yuki releases him gently and lays him carefully back on the bed.

"Don't say anymore, Shuichi. Don't say anymore." Oh God, what have I done?

**_WORDS FROM THE KITTY: This is a sensitive scene actually. Since Track 1 was more teasing but then I had to put more foundation to that and so the realization of this chapter. How madness and jealousy can consume someone so bad and the aftermath._**

**_I want to thank all the beautiful readers who have kept track of this fic of mine. I'm tremendously grateful to all of you. You've been an inspiration. More to come, see you next update. the hits are amazing! _**


	8. TRACK 8

**BEACH. EVENING.**

Hiro and Shuichi are relaxing on two beach chairs. A cooler stacked with canned drinks beside them. The table is littered with potato chips and barbecue sticks.

"Oi! Shu, I didn't know you have a high tolerance for alcohol now. It used to be after three cans of beer, you're a drunken brawler already."

"Hmm? What? Oh this? I did a lot of bar hopping in Seoul." Shuichi sounded distracted. He shook the empty can and pulled another can from the cooler.

"Something on your mind, Shu?" Hiro eyed him as he opened another can and took a sip.

"I'm looking at the sea, Hiro. How deep it is. How dark it is at night. You see the end right there? How utterly cold." He points.

"Yeah." Hiro nods.

"It scares me but I feel sadness more. When I look at it, it's like gazing at your own mortality." Shuichi's voice sounded lost.

"What's up, Shu?" Hiro took another sip from his can but never keeping his eyes away from Shuichi. In all the years he has ever known Shuichi, he still could not help feel a bit uneasy when he was in moods like these.

"I don't know." Shuichi sips his beer.

"You know you can tell me whatever it is." Hiro sets aside his unfinished beer.

"It just hit me that whatever happens to our lives, life goes on. Like the sea, it's either you sail away with it or you plunge yourself and drown with it. But it never changes, it just remain as it is." Shuichi is still looking at the sea.

"Shu, can I ask you something?" Hiro asks him softly.

"Yeah?"

"Why didn't you come to me that night you left?" It had been a year since the incident. Hiro did not want to talk about it since Shuichi returned to Japan as sudden as he left. Yet it bothered him nonetheless because Shuichi showed no indication that he wanted to talk about it and so he thought he would leave it that way but tonight it felt so right to ask him. He needed some answers and he was determined to get them out of the younger man.

"I called you, didn't I?" Shuichi raises his eyebrow at him and takes another sip of his beer.

"That's different. You called me two days later after you left and all you told me you were leaving. Where to, I don't know." Hiro tried not to sound demanding but it annoyed him that Shuichi could not trust him with that bit of information.

"I don't want to talk about it, Hiro." Shuichi was evasive.

"Okay. Then will you at least tell me how you got that scar in your hand?"

"DAMMIT! HIRO!" Shuichi yells at him. He drops the can of beer and stalks off to the sea.

"Shuichi?! What the hell? Oi! Come back here!" Hiro was surprised with his behavior. He walks hurriedly. Shuichi walks to the sea and almost reaching the shore. He approaches the waters. The water is now up to his knees but he keeps walking forward.

"SHUICHI!!! DON'T!!! STOP!! I SAID STOP!!!" Hiro begins to set chase but Shuichi keeps walking. His gait unsteady as he struggles to keep walking further with the waters reaching his waist.

"LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" Shuichi splashes water at him irritated. The water keeps getting higher. A wave hits him and he falls in the water and does not make an effort to get up anymore. Hiro makes a dive and grabs a fighting Shuichi. Shuichi tries to pull away. Hiro tries to hold his arms and pulls him out of the water. They wrestle and end up tackling each other on the shoreline.

"I SAID LEAVE ME ALONE!!!" Shuichi tries to grab his hair.

"NO FUCKING WAY!!!" Hiro tries to pull away his hand.

"LET ME GO!!!"

"NO!!!"

They continue wrestling on the sand. Rolling. Shuichi tries to free himself from Hiro's clutches and elbows him on the stomach. Hiro coughs but keeps his hold on Shuichi. They wrestle. Shuichi kicks him. This time Hiro gives him a hard punch on the face.

"WHAT THE HELL'S WRONG WITH YOU, MAN? DO YOU REALIZE YOU WERE WALKING STRAIGHT TO THE DAMN SEA? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF?"

"I don't want to talk about it, Hiro!" Shuichi wipes the blood from his lip.

"NO! I WON'T ACCEPT THAT! You're not going to take it all inside by yourself! What is it, dammit?" Hiro's eyes went wild. His fists still clenched to his sides.

"I just want to be alone, don't you get it?"

"No, I don't! because I want to know what made you walk to the sea like that. I want to know why. You were never like this…."

Shuichi combs his bangs with his fingers. He sits and hugs his knees, still avoiding Hiro's stare.

"Have I changed so much?"

Hiro sits but still fuming. " You look different. You act different. Heck! I want to punch you again right now for scaring me like that!"

A silence was shared by the two. This time only the sounds of the sea and wind could be heard. Hiro looks at the dark sea then at the curled up Shuichi on his feet. He tried to quiet the strong beats of his heart. He inhaled the cold night sea air. He wanted to cry. What Shuichi did earlier scared the crap out of him especially when the younger man did not even try to get out of the water anymore.

"I didn't plan on leaving so suddenly. It just happened. The feeling was so tremendous that I just desperately wanted to stay as far away possible."

"Will you tell me how you got that scar on your hand?" Hiro took a seat beside him.

"I panicked. I broke a bottle of ointment on my hand." He replied grimly.

"Don't give me that!" This only annoyed Hiro.

"That's the truth!" Shuichi clenched his fists.

"You're a stinking liar, Shuichi!" Hiro felt like punching him again.

"If you don't want to believe me. Fine then!!! I should have never got this scar in the first place. It only reminds me what a pathetic moron I am! I want it erased!"

He stands up and walks toward the beach house. Hiro follows him quickly. His anxiety returned thinking Shuichi would walk straight to the sea again.

"Shuichi…"

"What?" Shuichi is visibly annoyed but looks behind his shoulder. Hiro touches his shoulder.

"I just want to help you, that's all. You could have come over to my place." Hiro tries to sound as gentle as possible. He did not want to fight anymore. Shuichi looks at him defeated. Hiro helps him to sit on the sand again. He puts an arm around Shuichi's shoulders and squeezes. This time he notices the tears that the younger man had been trying to hold back began running across his cheeks unstoppably.

"I wanted to get out so bad. I felt like suffocating. I didn't want to trouble you."

"Did I ever complain?" Hiro pulls him closer to his chest and Shuichi pulls Hiro's arm to his face.

"No. I just wanted to deal with the situation by myself. You do understand that, don't you?"

"I'm trying to." Hiro bites his lip and holds him closer.

"I don't want to hurt you, Hiro. You'd be the last person in the world I would want to hurt but every time I was in trouble I'd run to you or lock myself at my parents' house which drives Maiko insane. I know what it's doing to everyone. I couldn't deal with that anymore. It had to stop." Shuichi moves to look at him.

Hiro dries his tears with his thumb.

"What's wrong with me, Hiro? Was I wrong? Was it wrong for me to leave?"

"You did nothing wrong, man. You did what you had to that time." Hiro felt tears in his eyes but he wanted to look strong in front of Shuichi.

"How could I have been such an idiot, Hiro? Why did I even allow this to happen to me?" Shuichi covers his face.

"You're not an idiot. You're a good man. You're a beautiful person inside out." Hiro takes him in his arms again and rubs his back to calm a groaning Shuichi.

"But Hiro I…."

"You just loved so much, that's why it hurts so badly. There is nothing wrong with you. Believe me, Shu. You did nothing wrong. There is nothing to forgive here. You did what you had to do." He felt Shuichi holding to him tightly.

"There was nothing else I could do. I wanted so bad to prove that I was more than what I was perceived to be."

"And you do, Shu. You do." Hiro assures him. "You're a selfish prick, you know that." He looks at his face and gives him a smile.

"I know and I'm so sorry." Their foreheads touching, Hiro kisses his forehead and they embrace as they slowly sat again on the sand.

"There is nothing in this life that I wouldn't do for you, Shu. All these years we have known each other. My feelings haven't changed since the first time I met you. I missed your smile. Even your brattiness. I missed it all. You may not know how far I would risk for you alone. You're very special to me, Shu. I desperately want you to be happy. You're not supposed to be like this. I wish I could erase all the pain from you. I would never allow anyone to ruin you like this. Never."

He kisses the top of Shuichi's head. He begins to feel hot tears running down his cheeks.

"And I love you, Shindou Shuichi. Always have. When you didn't come to me, I began to doubt myself. I promised I would always be there for you no matter what it takes. Don't shut me out."

"I'm so sorry, Hiro." Shuichi's voice is broken and clutches even harder at Hiro trying to stop himself from hiccupping.

"Come back, Shu. You're not alone. Always remember that. You never have to hide anything from me."

"It's always so easy with you, Hiro. Thank you for everything." No words crossed his lips any further. Shuichi desperately wished he could turn back the time when things were easier when it was just him and Hiro. Memories flooded his mind on overdrive. Kindergarten. Middle school. High school. Bad Luck's early days. Pre-Fujisaki era. Just him and Hiro struggling. Eating. All the sleepovers. The sleepless nights of talking on the roof. The fights. The first time they drank their first beer. The first time Hiro had his first cigarette. The first time they kissed. Yes, Hiro was his first kiss. A very awkward kiss they did on in a Truth or Dare game in high school which they laughed about hysterically afterwards but forever will remain in his mind. They have been through a lot together.

Hiro runs his finger to Shuichi's tear-stained face as he cradles him in his arm. Shuichi closes his eyes. The moonlight shines brightly at the beach.

_So beautiful, Shuichi._

**_WORDS FROM THE KITTY: One of my favorite scenes actually. Here I explored a bit deeper on Hiro and Shuichi's friendship. It's more dramatic than Yuki and Tohma. This is a very beautiful and very hurt Shuichi. I leave to the imagination of the readers the extent of their friendship. I love their relationship too. Also in this chapter, there is no mention of Yuki. I made sure of that. I have already published a fic on Hiro and Shuichi together entitled, "Remembering Us". More to come, my beloved readers. A very very special heartfelt thanks to those who has put this story in their favorite and story alert lists.  
_**


	9. TRACK 9

**TOKYO NIGHTS BAR.**

"Hey guys! I got to go now. Let's do this again sometime." Shuichi was yelling at his friends as he took one more shot of the tequila before standing up. The noise in the bar was drowning out everyone.

"You sure, Shuichi-kun?" Hajime Yuuji, the drummer of Rage Beat, looked at him while smoking a cigarette.

"Hai. Hai." Shuichi makes a mock salute at his friends.

"Well, take care then. See you, man!" Kenjo Matsuoka, the lead vocalist of Rage Beat, raises his bottle to a toast.

"Ja!" Shuichi giddily walks out of the bar. He is escorted to the exit by his bodyguard, Hiroki. People lined up outside the bar were starstrucked as they saw the J-rock celebrity walks out of the door. They began to scream and bar security went on full alert to keep them on the line. Shuichi smiled and waved before entering the car that was waiting for them. Hiroki opened the backseat door for him and entered the front seat.

"Yamaguchi-san?" Shuichi smiled at his personal driver.

"Hello, Shindou-san." Yamaguchi smiled back as he started the car. A week after he first met the celebrity rock star that fated evening, Shuichi made arrangements to have him as his personal driver. His life has changed and has traveled on various locations in Japan. The young man always told him he felt more at ease when he was behind the wheels. He also proved to be a very generous boss and never said an unkind word to the old driver.

"Shindou-san, is there anything else you need?" Hiroki turned to look at him after fastening his seatbelt.

"No, I'll be fine. I just needed to get out of there already; the noise was getting to me anyway. I wonder if I should go to a quiet bar next. Thanks, Hiroki." Shuichi chuckled as he closed his eyes and massaged his head as he stretched himself at the spacious backseat.

**AN HOUR LATER.**

"Hiroki-san, something's bothering me." Yamaguchi frowned.

"What is it Yamaguchi-san?" Hiroki looked at him.

"It seems like there's someone following us."

"Yeah I noticed it too but I wasn't so sure but now that you have noticed it as well. It's disturbing."

"Do you think we should inform Shindou-san about this?" Yamaguchi hushed.

Hiroki's face looked annoyed. "I really don't understand with these people. As far as we have always known Shindou-san had already stressed many times to keep his life private and has been accommodating enough already. We have dealt with stalkers before but they just will never get enough of him. They will never let him rest."

"But…" Yamaguchi nodded in agreement but the car still followed them closely behind.

Hiroki had a reputation of being a very cool-headed person and had always been more of a pacifier than an instigator despite his hulking presence. But everyone knew how protective he always was where his young boss was concerned. Shuichi trusted him to keep him safe in the most extreme situations. Even the great Mr. K had nothing but high regard for the former kendo master and marksman, Hiroki.

Shuichi frowns and looks at Hiroki. "You sure?"

Yamaguchi's reply was guarded. "Yes sir.

The younger man was visibly annoyed now. "Shit! I don't need this." He gritted his teeth. The singer was usually very accommodating to fans but he hated people who would not leave him at peace when he needed it most. Alcohol and noisy paparazzi do not mix. Shuichi is visibly annoyed and sleepy. He looks behind and recognizes the license plates. He sits back and runs his fingers on his hair impatiently.

"I've noticed that car has been tailing us quite closely." Yamaguchi added.

"Fuck! I don't believe this! I don't fucking believe this!" Shuichi yelled and slams his fist at the back seat.

"Must be a stalker." Hiroki observed. Shuichi looks at the rear view mirror grimly.

_He's not a stalker. He's my nightmare._

"Do you want me to do something about it?" Hiroki looked at Shuichi glaring at the rear view mirror.

"No. Pull over. I'll handle this." Shuichi snapped. _Better get this shit over and done with. That stupid fuck would not stop until you rub it on his face for good._

"But…" The old driver sounded worried.

"It's okay." Shuichi managed a curt smile.

"We could stay and wait for you around here." Hiroki's voice was firm. He did not want any psycho come near Shuichi if he could stop it from happening.

"No need. But I'll call you when I need you." This was a matter that only concerned him. He did not want to involve his closest allies in this mess. Hiroki opens the car door for him and he steps out. Hiroki and Yamaguchi nodded in understanding and the car drove away.

* * *

**PARK GROUNDS. BENCH AREA.**

As soon as he saw the tall figure get out the black BMW, Shuichi clenched his fists to his sides. He dreaded this kind of moment like a metallic taste in his mouth. They were now facing each other but the younger man made no attempt in approaching him. The moonlight and the park lights were enough for him to get a clear look at the one man he avoided to cross paths ever again.

"I can't believe you'd stoop this low!" Shuichi sneered.

"Shuichi. I know but…." Yuki was about to approach him but thought it was best to remain standing where he was. The man he was facing now was nowhere from the bubbly pink-haired lovable boy he remembered. He knew it was going to be difficult to face him now but the reality of seeing with the extreme annoyance emanating him like smoke now was nowhere from what he expected.

"I don't like being followed. What are you? A stalker now?" It was not a question but sounded more like an insult.

"You never returned my calls. I've been arranging countless meetings with you but you never confirmed." Yuki tried his best to sound as calm as possible and not sound accusing. There was nowhere in hell was he going to mess up this one opportunity to talk to the elusive singer.

"Are you trying to waste my time?" Shuichi glared at him.

"No. I just wanted to see you." _Be calm, Eiri. Do not challenge him. You fuck this up, the only time you'll be able to see him is through a television screen. _The novelist dreaded even the mere thought of that possibility.

"Okay. You've seen me now. Happy? I suggest you go back wherever you came from because I really need to go home now." Shuichi scoffed at him and even raised his arms in gesture.

"I was hoping we could talk." Yuki cuts in.

"I have nothing to say to you." Shuichi shook his head and looked away. It was true that he wondered how his ex-lover would look right now. But all he saw now was a pathetic tall blonde man looking at him pleadingly and trying to muster all his self-control not to blurt out a careless word at him. How he would have relished seeing this before but now he just did not care.

"But I do." Yuki took a step to approach him but the attempt alone was not an easy one to make.

"Just drop it already. I'm so fucking tired. I've had some drinks. My head hurts like hell so go away." Shuichi looks at him incredulously. He pulls out his cell phone from his jacket and dials for Yamaguchi to fetch him. Yuki's eyes went wide and lunged forward and quickly snatches the cell phone from Shuichi's hand.

"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" The younger man looked at him aghast.

"I need your attention now." Yuki tucked the cell phone in his coat pocket.

"This is pathetic! Give that back! GIVE ME BACK MY FUCKING PHONE, EIRI!!!" He was yelling and looked at him like a thief. The tone of his real name uttered by Shuichi was filled with annoyance like Shuichi was addressing him as someone who was not worth his time. For the first time he felt like a stupid child being scolded. But this is the only way he could get his attention. He can bear with the insults. Better to hear him yelling at him and hurling insults than nothing at all.

"No. I said we need to talk. No interruptions please." Yuki looks at him intently. _It was now or never. He had been trailing the singer for the longest time. There was no way in hell he was going to lose this opportunity. He knew that with one call from Shuichi, Hiroki would come and break his neck like a twig EASILY._ Not that he feared the hulking Hiroki but violence was not in the cards right now. If anyone meddled into this one chance at talking with Shuichi, Yuki knew he would not be so lucky anymore.

"I bet you're really enjoying this." Shuichi shook his head and spit.

"Hardly." Yuki looks at him intently.

"Whatever! Shove it up your ass then!" He proceeds to walk away. Yuki catches up with him.

"Shuichi! Don't you walk away from me!"

He was not looking back. "I can walk wherever I like! You stay the hell away from me!"

"I'm not giving up!"

Yuki reaches Shuichi and touches his shoulder. Shuichi pushes him aside. "Stop this, Yuki! What the fuck do you think you're doing?"

Yuki trips back. "I said I'm not giving up."

"There's no point in this. Whatever we had before is gone. So give it up already!"

"I still believe we can work this out."

"WE? I'm not taking any part of this crap anymore. I've had it!"

"Shuichi….just this once. Please." Yuki closes his eyes and clenched his jaw. The brat was really testing his patience but he desperately fought himself not to match his insults. Shuichi gives a demeaning look at Yuki. He is frowning and looks at him steadily. He could hear his heart beating fast.

"You give me your word that will let me go after this."

"I promise." Yuki breathed a sigh of relief. His breathing was getting even now. That was the signal he needed to get things in motion.

"You will let me go, Yuki. This is the only chance you get, I'm warning you. You bullshit me now, the next person you will be talking to will be my lawyers." Shuichi added grimly. Yuki knew at the tone of his voice, this was a grim warning.

He walks to the nearby bench and sits down. He stretches his arms on the back rest and stares at a tree. Yuki looks at him and approaches the bench but does not sit down.

"Maybe we can talk somewhere else." Yuki looks around.

"No. This is enough. I just want this done and over with so get on with it! Make it fast because I don't have all night listening to whatever apeshit you're going to tell me now."

"So…..ahm…..how have you been?" If words were bullets, the older man knew he would be riddled and lying in a pull of blood by now. Every insult hurled at him by the singer felt like he was some kind of target practice.

"I'm doing great! And you?" Sarcasm was heavily laden in his reply.

"Not very well."

"So are you going to pin that on me?" Shuichi raised an eyebrow at him.

"No."

"Good boy." He nodded.

Yuki rests his hand on the bench and drums his fingers. The sheer awkwardness of the situation at hand was making him impatient also but he cannot give up now.

"I learned you've been traveling a lot. That's really good. I also heard you'll be involved in this commercial project. That's a very cool strategy." He smiles.

"Cut the crap, Yuki. I'm not sitting here listening to things I already know." Shuichi snaps.

"Okay." He walks and sits on an opposite bench facing Shuichi.

"I'm leaving for New York next week." There was still a part of him hoping that by saying this, Shuichi would look at him like he always did. That look that told him not to leave him but all he got was a shrug.

"What's that supposed to mean to me?"

"I thought I'd tell you." His voice was defeated. He wanted to kick himself right now for even wishing his ex-lover would even bother to feel anything. Now the thought of actually leaving for New York was much stronger now.

"Leave for all I care. Rest assured I'm not going to show up there in some stupid dog suit." He began to massage his temples.

"You've changed so much."

"Of course, I've changed. I'm not that lovesick annoying 19-year-old idiot you used to know." He frowns at him.

"I never thought of you that way."

Shuichi raises his eyebrow at him. _What a laugh. Does this moron have amnesia or what? Never thought of me that way? What the hell? _"Oh yeah? What did you think of me then? Do you want me to name them, Yuuuuuukiiii?" He counts his fingers. "I'm counting. Look at my fingers. I'm running out of names here. There's too much of them. Where do you like me to start?" He laughed.

"I can't believe you could be so cruel." The menacing laugh pained his ears.

"Cruel? You call this cruelty? I loved you, buddy boy. You call that cruelty?" He stands up from the bench and approaches Yuki. "Or are you saying you adore me now, huh? You desire me so much because you know for a fact that you can't have me? I make you horny, Yuuuuukiiii? DO I? HUH? DO I??" His face is inches away from Yuki.

The stench of alcohol and Shuichi's favorite aftershave made Yuki dizzy and he turns away. "Stop it!" It was all too overwhelming now.

Shuichi chuckles eerily. "Do what you like, man. I don't give a fucking shit anymore! Do you hear me?"

"I said stop it!" Yuki stands up from the bench.

"Was I just for kicks to you, huh? Was I someone you'd turn on your frustrations and after you've relieved yourself, you treat me like shit afterwards?"

"Shuichi….." Yuki looks at him pleadingly.

"I WAS MORE THAN THAT YOU SELFISH BASTARD!"

"I know I don't have the right to treat you that way."

"Of course, you don't! But you still did it, didn't you? I make you happy, huh? Was it fun because I sure as hell wasn't, you know!"

"SHUT UP!" Yuki was surprised at himself. He massaged the bridge of his nose. _Very good, man. Just perfect. Yell at him some more and he walks out of here._ Yuki felt his chances of talking sensibly with Shuichi was quickly decreasing.

"SHUT UP! Hey! That was fun!" Shuichi merely echoed him and begins to chuckle.

"What have I done? What have I done?" Yuki covers his face in frustration. Everything was going very wrong for both of them. Shuichi was already angry and the intoxication only got him more indifferent.

"Why do you keep pushing me away?"

"I thought I was doing the right thing."

"Yep! And you sure did a good job doing it."

"You could say it backfired."

"And I thought I was supposed to be the designated idiot in this relationship."

"No, you're not."

Shuichi frowns and scratches his head distractedly. "Was loving you too much for your own good, huh? Did it cost too much? Coz it feels like I'm paying dearly for it, I don't know."

"You don't deserve any of this. You really don't. I'm not going to lie to you. Yes, I admit I have intentionally managed to push you away from me many times. But it's not working. The whole time I've carried meaningless affairs with people thinking they're out to get something from me and so I made very sure I won't let anyone get too close. If anyone even attempted to, I cut them off instantly."

"So you're saying I'm a statistic too?"

It broke Yuki's heart with that question. He never thought of that way. Not even when he was at his most annoying antics. Shuichi was special. No. Shuichi IS special. It really hurt him to realize how much he still loved the younger man when he is so angry at him now.

"You're different. You kept coming and coming. I didn't expect you to enter my life like this. You never asked anything from me and I was scared that if I ever relented to that kind of feeling again, I would get hurt again and I don't know if I could handle it."

Shuichi merely stares at him indifferently.

"This shouldn't have happened this way. But the more I pushed you away, the more I wanted you." _There he said it. That naked truth of it all. The bastard in him wanted to push and push and see how much damage his lover could take until he was terribly satisfied that he was deserving of his trust. How selfish he had been. No human being deserved that. Not even animals. Especially not his Shuichi. _He approaches him and sits beside him.

"Don't you dare." Shuichi raises his hand at Yuki's attempt to put his hand on his shoulder.

"It's the truth." He clenches his fist. The pain of rejection was making him weak. Memories of the younger man always succumbing to his touch flooded him and none of it was happening now. It felt like his touch burned his flesh.

"I guess it's too late for all this show and tell."

"No!" Yuki felt his heart beating faster again. _Oh god! Not again!_ He thought he was getting close enough only to get this kind of response again. It was back to zero all over again.

"Why now? I've waited so long for you to say them!"

"That is why I'm saying them now."

"Don't make me hate you more, Eiri."

"I don't want you to hate me. I just want you to come back to me." _Don't make me hate you more. _A glimmer of hope once again returned to him with those words. _So that meant Shuichi has not reached the point of murderous hate…at least not yet and he had no intention of getting him to reach that level anymore._

"Then what? What if you get annoyed again for some reason God-knows-what and you throw me out in the middle of night? No one has ever treated me that way! For the first time in my life, THE ONE PERSON I LOVED THE MOST TREATED ME LIKE A WHORE!" This time tears began to fall on his cheeks and he wiped them impatiently. It pained the older man and the desire to take him in his arms and kiss those tears away became all too powerful but he knew Shuichi did not need his comfort no longer. He covers his face and squeezes his eyes shut.

"How could you do that to me? You tell me you want me now? You think that's going to cut it? What did I do to you, huh? I can't believe that you never got over that thing I did with Kenjo and you punish me for something non-existent?"

"Shuichi….I lost my mind. I just couldn't stand anyone touch you like that." He knew the Kenjo incident was merely the trigger to the reason of their actual separation. It was a bomb waiting to explode. It was only a matter of time before his selfishness would catch up with Shuichi's patience and when it did. All hell broke loose.

"Is that supposed to impress me?"

"No." He knew his possessiveness did not always sit well with the singer's life. It drove him mad, having his lover watch him like a hawk from anyone's touch only to hurt him again and again when they were together. It was a frustratingly vicious cycle.

Shuichi sits back on the bench and looked lost. The silence was deafening now. The same park that brought them together for the first time was going to be the same place they fell apart. The wicked irony of it all. He closed his eyes at the thought.

"But I still forgave you. You were right. You made very sure I won't forget it. My feelings that time were a mix of pain and pleasure both overlapping the other constantly. It didn't feel right with what you were doing to me and the way you handled me so rough-handedly. Then pleasure would suddenly jolt my senses as you kept saying that I was yours alone. I never knew you could be jealous of me or anything I did since you always seemed like nothing I did ever fazed you at all. It was a huge turn-on like I don't know……but then again you were so intent on hurting me, it was all back to pain again over and over."

Yuki looks at him. His eyes filled with tears but tries to hold them back but failed and the next he knew Shuichi is looking at him accusingly.

"You think I'd never break? You thought I'd bounce back every time you bullshit me? I could take a lot of crap from anybody. Hell! I face it everyday but somehow I could deal with it but you're the worst! The worst."

"I don't know what else I could say that would somehow lessen the pain I caused you." _It was true he did not what else there was to say to appease his former lover. To him it felt like the younger man was numb to every attempt he made. The hope of getting back together was becoming dim._

"You're damn right, there isn't! So shut the fuck up. We have nothing more to say to each other." He stands up.

This time Yuki lets the tears fall and grab Shuichi by the waist and pulls him close and crushes his lips against him. Shuichi's eyes are rounded and tries to pull away from him. But Yuki holds him firmly and continues kissing him.

"Get off me……I SAID GET OFF ME! WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING??!"

Yuki releases him abruptly. Stunned. He recalled he said the exact same words before. Shuichi wipes his mouth with his arm and spits. Yuki tasted blood in his lips.

"You ALWAYS liked playing it rough, don't you?"

Yuki approaches him and attempts to touch his face only to get slapped away.

"Stop that! I'm not a toy, you stupid fuck!"

"Sorry." He did not know what was right anymore. It was not like him at all. He could take a hint if he was not needed anymore but he still clung desperately to that glimmer of hope that his ex-lover would still somehow feel something for him.

"This isn't going anywhere. I feel like shit!"

"Shuichi…." His heart was breaking to pieces. He was losing it already. He felt very nauseated and he fought off the urge to throw up blood like he did when the stress was too much to handle. He also knew that the man beside him now could not care less if he dropped dead in front of him.

"Don't follow me anymore." His voice was low and final.

"I can't." He knew he was being stubborn beyond recognition but the nagging hope inside of him still punctured him repeatedly like a needle to the chest. He can't give up even if the situation screamed for it to end already.

"Let me go now."

"I'm not letting you go anywhere. Anything but that." He bit his lip and gripped the edge of the bench so hard, his knuckles turned white. _Gods! He wanted so bad to take him in his arms and never ever let go._

"It's not working. I warned you already." He shakes his head wearily.

"I'm not going to give you up, Shuichi. I don't care how long this will take or whatever it is going to cost me but I'm willing to go the distance to save this. We don't have to live together again. I know that. We could take this slow, baby. Please. Please don't go away. Please." It was so painful to speak with his voice broken in tears and his uneven breathing. He felt like collapsing already with the pain suffocating his heart.

Shuichi sucked in his breath. Every word that came out of his former lover's lips felt sincere. He knew this. Living together with such a man made him a living proof of that. Not even Tohma saw this side of him. But his attempts at trying to coax him for another chance did not make any sense anymore. They were both damaged already. He felt cold. The very much in-love version of him has left him completely. There was nothing left to feel for the man. It was over a long time ago as he knew it.

He manages to walk ahead but is staggering to keep his balance. The effects of his drunkenness and the tension of the situation they were in were taking their toll heavily upon him now. He began to throw up. His eyes are about to close. He feels his temples then suddenly drops on the grassy knoll. Yuki walks fast and reaches him in time.

"I'm so tired, Eiri. So tired. I don't want to wake up anymore." Yuki carefully carries him inside his car. He felt grateful that the effects of alcohol have finally caught up with him if only it gave him this opportunity to have him in his arms even for a while. A sad smile crept onto his anguished face as he took one more look before driving away from the park.

* * *

**YUKI'S RESIDENCE**

"Welcome back, Shu-chan." He whispers to the sleeping bundle in his arms. Yuki lays him carefully on the bed. He takes off his shoes, jacket, shirt and pants. Shuichi is left with his boxers alone. Yuki goes in the bathroom and wets a face towel and wipes Shuichi's face. Shuichi moans softly but does not open his eyes. Yuki gazes long at Shuichi. He gets his old sleepwear from the closet and puts them on Shuichi. He runs his fingers brushing against Shuichi's cheeks and lips.

_Gods! You're not the round-bubbly-eyed teenager I used to know. You're breathtaking, Shuichi. I missed how beautiful you are up close._

He tries very hard to resist from taking advantage of a very drunk Shuichi. He tucks him in the bed instead. He hesitates to kiss his lips and kisses his forehead instead.

"Don't worry. Things will be different from now on, my beautiful one." He picks up the man's things and deposited them to the laundry chute. He too changes his clothes. Turns off the lights. He sits on a chair adjacent to the bed and watches him silently with the moonlight peaking from the window curtains at the right side of the room. Time passes by and Yuki remains seated on the chair. But his eyes were giving away. He was beginning to lose the support of his hand on his head. Later he too closed his eyes.

Shuichi stirs from the bed. His back is facing Yuki. He turns around and sees Yuki seated on the chair. The moonlight illuminated the room from the open glass window. He sits up.

"Yuki…." He whispers.

The sound of his name jolted him from sleep. "Shuichi, go back to sleep."

"I can't."

"Your head still hurts?"

"It still does."

"Do you need something? Water, perhaps?"

"Yuki…."

"What is it?" To hear him utter 'Yuki' felt like music to his ears. Never thought that being called that way made him feel so warm inside.

"Come here….." It was not an invitation. It just felt like the appropriate thing to say. But this time Yuki is fully awake. He swallowed hard. Nervous. Hesitant. _What could Shuichi be thinking now?_

"Shuichi…."

"Okay, I get it. I'm here, right?"

"Yes." _Gods! There is nothing else that could give him so much pleasure than to lie down with his beloved now. But he did not trust himself anymore. One wrong move and Shuichi would scram in a heartbeat._

"Well, if this makes you uncomfortable I can move on the couch outside and…."

"NO! That's not what I meant." _SHIT! THAT'S NOT WHAT HE MEANT AT ALL! HOLY HELL! Move to the couch outside, he say. Hell no! _He wanted time to freeze right now so Shuichi never left his side at all.

"I just thought you sleeping on that chair will strain your neck. This is your bed after all and your house." Shuichi flatly replied. He already felt like a stranger in this place.

"I don't mind." _I don't want you to leave me again, Shu. Gods! You can take over my life if you want. Just stay with me please._

"I promise I won't take too much space." He moves to the edge of the bed to accommodate him.

"That's not the point." He shook his head.

"Will you just come here then?" He rolled his eyes. He knew Yuki was very hesitant to make the slightest move. He was the one walking on egg shells now. The change of roles made him smirk but he was not happy at all.

Yuki gets up from the chair and sits on the bed. Shuichi lies down and moves to the rightmost part of the bed nearly at the edge and turns his back on Yuki. Yuki lies on his back and looks at him. They were quiet again. Shuichi stared at the wall. The other man was trying to calm his heart from beating wildly.

"What happened to us?" A small voice broke the awkward silence between them.

"I hurt you." This was all Yuki thought of. It was all his fault from the beginning. The jealousy. The ignorance. The indifference. The coldness. The physical and emotional abuse.

"We hurt each other."

"But I hurt you more." _Gods! How could he even say that? He was more than willing to take all the blame and he realized how much his former lover has matured in his eyes and how quickly. Yuki knew all along he was the idiot in this relationship and not Shuichi._ He reached to touch his hair. How soft it felt and how much he missed the time where he would casually run his hands to the pinkness.

"I thought we'd never come to this."

"I thought so too."

"A lot has happened between us."

"I wish I could undo them all."

"Do you ever regret knowing me? Do you wish to undo that too?"

"Never! You?" He gulped at the question.

"No."

Yuki heavily sighed in utter relief. _There was nothing worse than knowing that he would become a figment of imagination or something that was nonexistent. He did not think he could live with that._

"Yuki…"

"Hmmm….." _Oh god! How good it felt to listen to him say 'Yuki' again. He could stay all night just listen to him utter his name like that. Everything else did not matter anymore but this moment alone._

"Are you my friend?"

"Why do you ask?" He croaked in response. Of all the things he expected Shuichi would question, friendship never crossed his mind not even when they were together.

"I just wanted to be sure. I must have assumed too much." He resigned.

"You didn't assume too much, Shuichi." _Baby, not at all._

"Okay."

"You're a very good friend." _He truly believed that. No wonder he and Hiro have become much closer than ever. No matter how annoying he would be. Hiro stood by him against all odds. He had been jealous many times of that bond but he realized it was his kind heart that made him endearing to all his friends._

"I try my best."

"I wished I've been there for you too." _Oh baby, I wish I could do more than you even asked for._

"You had your moments."

"Hiro…." He just had to say that. It felt the most natural thing to say even if he already knew how protective Shuichi had always been of him.

"…..is different." He cuts him off.

"I know."

"You think we've been better off as friends?"

Yuki looks at him troubled. He did not expect that at all. He sits on the bed. But Shuichi remained lying there with his back on him.

"Then maybe none of this happened. We might have saved each other a lot of trouble." He continued.

Yuki obviously dreaded the statement. "Are you saying we should remain friends instead?" _Holy shit! He cannot mean that, can he? He is not suggesting that we'd be friends now? Oh hell no._

"Perhaps." He replied nonchalantly.

"What if I refuse?" The stress was mounting again. He was selfish all right. He did not just want to be some friend. Someone to be called when needed and eventually forgotten.

"I don't blame you. You either take it or you don't. I won't mind."

Yuki could not take it anymore. He gently turns Shuichi to face him.

"You can't be serious." _Please baby, tell me again you don't mean us to be friends only. I won't be able to stand it, Shu but then I am willing to take anything you can give me now._

"But I am, Yuki." An intense look stared back at him.

"I can't be just your friend, Shuichi."

He smiles weakly. "Too bad. I would have liked you to be."

"What I really mean is…."

He turns away with his back on Yuki again. "I know what you mean."

Yuki lies down again. He puts an arm on his forehead and looks at the ceiling.

"I just want to be more than that." He whispers softly. The younger man may be lying beside him now but he felt like he was miles away from him. So near yet so far. He dreaded to think what tomorrow was in store for them. He mouthed a silent prayer that he would not wake up to an empty bed.

"Good night." Shuichi squeezes his eyes shut and quiet tears began to flow. He presses his face on the pillow tightly and pulls the blanket to his chin.

* * *

**WORDS FROM THE KITTY:** -wipes tears- I apologize for the long wait. This had been a very emotional chapter for me and it took a lot of time to get this finally published here. I am tremendously grateful to all who have continued to read my other works and this fic as well. The hits I continuously get. The wonderful readers who have added me to their favorite author list, story alert list and even their favorite story list, I am very much humbled and touched. Thank you so much, kitties. There will be an update in the works, I assure you all but until then, let me know how you feel about this chapter. Thank you so much. 


	10. TRACK 10

**NEXT MORNING. THE PENTHOUSE. **

Shuichi wakes up and notices Yuki's arm over his chest. Yuki was still fast asleep. Shuichi gently removes his arm and slowly gets off the bed. He nearly stumbles on his foot because the pajamas he was wearing covered his feet. It was Yuki's pajamas, alright. He proceeds to the bathroom and notices his items were still neatly kept. He brushes his teeth and washes his face. He finds an aspirin and pops one in his mouth.

His old room was adjacent to Yuki's. It has remained as neat as it used to be. All his stuff was still there. He did not bother getting them back anymore because he did not need them anymore. He also hated any remembrance lingering in his new house either. He paused and thought maybe he would need a shower but hesitated. He could take one in his own place. The bathroom would only remind him of something he didn't want to think about at a time like this. The clothes he wore last night from the bar reeked of alcohol and cigarette smoke, he thought. He pulled a fresh shirt and a pair of pants from the closet. It was a blue shirt with white collar and black denim pants. His Nittle Grasper collection was still displayed on the center table. He merely looks at it and smiles but he does not touch them.

He enters the kitchen and opens the fridge and finds a box of orange juice and pours it in a mug. Orange juice is good for hangovers. He remembered Hiro told him once. He notices his old mug on the counter but walks to the fridge again for food and only finds frozen dinners. He starts to cook rice and finishes the orange juice. _The man seemed to have forgotten to cook already, he observed. The number of frozen dinners was a clear testament that his home-cooked meals had been nonexistent in this kitchen._

_Gods, what time is it? _The clock inside the kitchen was dead. _He did not even bother to have them fixed anymore just like everything else._

He re-enters the bedroom and looks at the sleeping man on the bed. _The man still looked beautifully vulnerable in sleep for as long as he recalled. He surely has lost a considerable amount of weight though. It felt different looking at him now from where he stood. It felt like he was looking at a stranger fast asleep. _The urge to smooth his bangs away from his face did not exist now. He locates his watch on the bedside table and puts it on. For awhile he felt like how a man was looking at a prostitute on his bed. He quietly closes the door behind him.

7:15 A.M.

He checks the rice cooker, it was still cooking. He walks to the living room and sits on the plush red couch. The same couch where he spent countless of sleepless nights before. The many times he would be banished from the bedroom and ended up here. It felt like ages ago but sitting here again made the memories fresh again. What is new though is the number of Bad Luck items now displayed. Most of them were limited editions. The stacks of Bad Luck albums both audio and video are neatly arranged in an intricately designed wooden CD rack. The living room has definitely changed with an A/V system installed but the old couch remained. It was never like this. He remembered the man always insisted that he kept his Bad Luck stuff anywhere except the living room and the study. He also remembered the man reminding him that in his house, he was just Shuichi and he replied back that the blonde was just Yuki. Shuichi had no intention whatsoever in displaying Bad Luck in the house anyways. The limited editions displayed were stuff he never even collected. He always felt the fans deserved them more than he ever did. The ones he valued most were the little knick knacks his fans sent him. But looking at the way these Bad Luck stuff were proudly displayed now, he felt numb at the irony.

He notices the _Hyper Pop Beat_ magazine with him as the image cover on top of the coffee table. He flips through the pages only to put it down. His eyes were still drowsy. He stretches himself on the couch and closes his eyes. _This should take a while just enough for the rice to cook, he thought._

**BEDROOM**

The blonde begins to move on the bed. With his eyes still closed, he reaches beside him only to feel a pillow. _A PILLOW?! _He opens his eyes and finds out he is alone in the room. He jumps out of the bed and stumbles on his slippers and opens the door.

The sight that calmed him as he enters the living room is a sleeping Shuichi in a side-lying position facing the couch. Yuki approaches him and takes a seat beside him. A smile of utter relief escapes his lips. _Oh how I miss you, baby. I thought you left me. _He places his hand on Shuichi's shoulder but he stirs.

"Shuichi?" he quickly takes his hand away. The younger man turns on his back to face him.

"Hey, sorry did I wake you?" He rubs his eyes. He also noticed the close proximity of the blonde to him and he was sort of smiling at him too.

"No. It's only 8:00 in the morning. Why are you here on the couch?"

Shuichi chuckles softly, "Force of habit, I guess."

He suddenly felt a sudden ache in his heart when Shuichi said that but he tried to fight the surge of emotions overwhelming him again. "It's still early. Come back to bed." He gently coaxed him. He is about to scoop Shuichi in his arms but Shuichi quickly sits up instead.

"No. I have to get up anyway. The rice must be cooked now." He moves away from the couch. _Shit! He's so close. I don't need this. _He enters the kitchen with the blonde trailing him from behind.

"I'll make some coffee."

"You still remember." Yuki smiles at his offer. _He missed the way the younger man made him coffee. No one made it like he did and just the way he liked it. He remembered being told once that he wanted to make the best coffee for the novelist so that way, he would never forget him. He was right after all. _Shuichi nods and makes coffee. Then he pours him a cup.

"Arigato." Yuki nods. Shuichi takes out the frozen dinners from the fridge and pops them in the microwave oven. 15 minutes elapsed with singer paying more attention to his drinking than the smiling blonde across him. The microwave oven signals that the food was ready now.

"Do you want to eat now?" He looks at Yuki.

"Are you?" Yuki blinks still obviously happy just looking at him having the run of the kitchen and making food for both of them. _Is he concerned about my well being now? It feels so good to at least hope that._

"If you're hungry."

"Maybe later after coffee." Yuki smiles as he sips his coffee. _He wanted to relish the sight of the singer as he moved from the microwave and set the food on the table with ease. He must have been so used to doing things on his own now. This is their house no matter what Shuichi says otherwise. He wanted to offer some help but he knew it would speed up the process of this warm feeling of having the younger man attend to such a chore. He wanted to just sit here and watch him in satisfaction._

"Okay." Shuichi shrugs.

Yuki watches Shuichi as he pours himself another cup of coffee from the coffeemaker. Shuichi takes a seat opposite Yuki. He takes a sip then stares at his mug. He looks up and notices Yuki staring at him and smiling.

"What?" _There must be something on my face. Whatever it is his thinking and smiling now, I do not want to know about._

"Nothing. I just like to look at you." Yuki gave him a small smile as he held his mug in both hands. _Do I make him nervous? Is it working? Oh man, I hope not nervous enough to make him leave. Maybe I should stop smiling. This must look so weird to him._

"Well, if you're hungry, the food is ready. The rice is warm." _Oh hell. Why am I even wasting my time here? _Shuichi stands up and throws the leftover coffee in the sink and washes the mug. He dries his hand with the kitchen towel and leaves the kitchen. Yuki puts down his coffee and follows him.

"You're leaving?" Yuki's eyes were rounded and the confusion in his voice was audible. Shuichi merely nods in reply.

"I thought maybe after last night…." Yuki sounded hopeful. _Holy shit. No. He can't leave yet. No. He can't just leave. He just made breakfast in there. Weren't they supposed to talk some more after this? He can't leave! NO! _

Shuichi opens a closet near the door where the shoes are kept.

"Well, we did talk, Yuki."

"It's still early. How about breakfast?" He protested. _He knew mentioning about breakfast was a lame excuse to keep him indoors. He has to come up with a better reason than that._

"I have to go now." Shuichi replied calmly. _It was getting awkward already. He hated this feeling. He had to leave no matter what. No way was he falling for that sickening attempt of the blonde at delaying him. He was so wrong to assume would be bright and cheery in the morning. He must be deluded to assume something like that from happening._

"But…." Yuki was frowning now. _He remembered the clothes in the laundry chute last night. He can't leave without those clothes, can he? But then obviously Shuichi was wearing his old clothes now. He could walk out of here in a heartbeat and not bother about claiming his clothes in someone's laundry chute._

"I want us to get along, Yuki." Shuichi begins to put on his shoes.

"You mean like this?" Yuki's voice nearly trembled. _His mind raised for another reason to keep him from putting on his shoes. Shit! He looks so determined at leaving me alone here. This can't be. What about last night? Has he forgotten them? He just can't._

Shuichi stands up and stretches his shirt. He finally looks at Yuki and forces a smile. "At least we're talking now. Who knows we might see each other again someday. Ja!"

Shuichi gives him a small smile and closes the door behind him. Yuki remains stunned at the casual demeanor Shuichi displayed the whole time. He was at a loss for words. He was frozen from where he stood until he had the strength to drag himself on the couch and stared at the image of Shuichi on the _HyperPopBeat_ magazine staring back at him. _Was it all just a dream, Shu? I almost had you only to see you walk out the door again. Oh god…I'll never get to see you again, will I? Would you even allow me that? Are we totally over this time? You said we might see each other again but who knows? WHO KNOWS? There was not a thread of comfort in that. It sounded so random, like he was obligated to say it more than he actually meant it. This was definitely Shuichi's final farewell._

The living room suddenly echoed with a painful groan.

**SHUICHI'S RESIDENCE**

Shuichi arrives at his place. It is a high-rise condominium and he occupies the entire top floor. He walks to the living room and slumps on the big arm chair and closes his eyes. The silence was welcoming to him until he remembered giving everyone a day-off.

The scenes that transpired at Yuki's house were still fresh in his memory. He felt suffocated in that house. He thought moving around that house casually would rid him of that trapped feeling he had since he woke up to find the blonde sleeping beside him. Even went as far as preparing food for the both of them only to leave it untouched. _Oh hell! It would have been worse if they shared breakfast. It felt like a tomb in there. He was grateful for the solace his cozy condominium provided him. Now, this is my sanctuary. I am at peace here. Here I can think clearly. There was also not a single reminder of the life he once shared with his former lover._

_Since their separation, the trauma was so severe. He was a celibate for quite some time. Of course, he dated once in a while with men or women. He began to establish physical relations with them only recently. From then on the press always brought fresh news and pictures of him with a new person at his side. _

_A month ago, he was still recovering from a recent breakup with Reiji Matsumoto, a record producer and drummer for another J-rock band, Taste. It was not a painful breakup actually and they have remained good friends thereafter. Reiji was a wonderful lover and very generous but the similarity of their personality proved not to be a healthy balance in a romantic relationship. There was no drama. They made love that evening and by the next day, they simply called it a day and went their separate ways. He knew right there and then how much Reiji still wanted to remain a constant in Shuichi's life even if they would remain as friends. He decided he did not want to lose a friend either and considers Reiji as one of his closest friends now._

But these memories are quickly overshadowed with memories of the man he had lived with for five years.

_I don't know what to say anymore, Yuki. I really don't. This is not what I had in mind, but I'm letting you. I'd lie if I said I didn't want us to get along at least. But I know I'll get hurt again for sure. But so be it. I'm not a stranger to this sort of treatment anymore. You've taught me that. I'm much stronger now. But this will be the very last time. I don't know if I still love you but one thing is certain, I forgive you, Yuki. That's all I can do for now. I'm confused with the way you are now to me. I am confused with the messages I am receiving with your gestures and the sound of your voice. It doesn't feel like you but then it still is you. Or maybe I just got so used with your coldness and all of these are so new to me now. Well, we haven't seen each other for a year, you must have changed somewhat, but I don't know if I can stay long enough to watch any of that._

Time had passed and Shuichi has been curled up on the large soft arm chair and when suddenly the sound of the telephone awakening him. He turns on the speaker.

"Yes?"

A filtered voice of a lady from the front desk greeted him. "Good morning, sir. I apologize for disturbing you but there is a gentleman here who wishes to see you right away.

"Who is it?"

"Mr. Glenn Fordham, sir. He says he is from Tokyo Times. He said he has a scheduled interview with you. Shall I have him proceed to the penthouse, sir?"

_Glenn Fordham? Who the hell was that? Although he did remember obliging to an interview for Tokyo Times before but he did not expect he'd be interviewed so soon. He usually accommodated press people in the afternoons. Oh what the heck? Maybe talking to a stranger now would ease the tension he had at Yuki's place._

"Sir?"

"Okay, beam him up here then. Thank you, Rica-chan."

"No problem, sir." She had to keep her giggles to herself. She is still a big Bad Luck fan after all but this is a job she takes seriously and keep for as long as the vocalist still maintained residence here.

The door chime signaled for Shuichi to open the door partially.

"Shuichi?"

Shuichi looks at him. "Yuki, why are you here?"

"Can I come in?"

Shuichi looks down and hesitates but he opens the door.

"Thanks." Yuki nods and enters. He takes off his shoes.

"How did you know where I live?" Shuichi asked. But Yuki merely gives him a knowing glance. Shuichi shakes his head. He knew. Glen Fordham, nice move, Yuki. How sneaky of you.

"Never mind. Anyway, why are you here?"

"I came to return you this." Yuki hands him the cell phone from his pocket.

"Oh. Thanks. Have a seat." Shuichi gestures to the living room. Yuki takes a seat.

"You have any special plans today?" Yuki looks at him.

"Hai. I have an afternoon flight back to Seoul today."

"Seoul?" Yuki's eyes widened.

"It's like home to me." Shuichi shrugs.

Yuki looks at him longingly. Shuichi diverts his gaze.

"Do you want a drink?" Shuichi was about to go to the kitchen.

"Huh? Ah, no. Thanks." Yuki sounded distracted.

"Well, I need one." Shuichi goes to the kitchen.

As he poured his drink into a glass, he stared at the window.

_Yuki, why did you come here? Why make it harder than it already is? You should not have come here. You cannot stay. _

Shuichi takes his drink and finds that Yuki is no longer in the living room. He sees him looking out on the balcony. Shuichi slides the door open. Yuki turns to him and smiles.

"You have a lovely place here, Shuichi."

"Thanks." He leans beside the sliding door.

"Are you alone?"

"No. I'm usually out." Shuichi sips his drink and watches Yuki. He notices Yuki was still wearing the same shirt he wore from last night beneath the jacket. His hair was a bit unkempt. Yuki turns his back and is facing the balcony. The morning air was cool.

"I know you must think that I shouldn't have come here."

Shuichi looks down.

"I understand. I also know things are not the way as they used to be. You have your own life as I have mine. I'm supposed to be happy. I got what I deserved."

"Well, aren't you?" Shuichi looks at him inquisitively.

"I had no idea it would turn out this way.

Shuichi sips his drink and slides the door to close.

"There's something else you didn't know about."

"And what would that be?" Shuichi raises an eyebrow slightly.

Yuki turns around to face him. Shuichi looks at him unsure. Yuki smiles at him weakly.

"You were not the only one who fell in love, Shuichi."

Shuichi looks at him wide-eyed. His lips quivered. The grip on his glass became tight. Yuki turns to look at the balcony again.

"You were everything that was so wrong for me from the very start. Noisy. Bratty. Hyperactive. Crybaby. Relentless. You weren't supposed to last even a minute with me. But when you stopped traffic that day and jumped right in front of my car, I knew that nothing prepared me for someone like you."

Shuichi's mouth was slightly open. He could not believe what he was hearing. Those words were unexpected. He steadies his gaze on the glass he was holding.

Yuki continued, "I thought I had it all figured out. The idea was to give it a day or two. It stretched to a week then you suddenly moved in with me. I panicked and I wanted you out not because I didn't want you around but because I didn't know what to do about it. The whole reality that we were going to live together just scared the hell out of me. Was it a dream? It all came too soon for me."

Yuki pulls himself up to sit on the balcony as he watches the neighborhood from below.

"Remember that day I announced to the press about our relationship?"

"Hai." Shuichi nods.

Yuki smiles as he recalls that day. "It just felt so easy. Hell! I wanted the whole world to know what it felt like. The panic. The fear. The hesitation. All that just didn't exist. It was such a freedom that was so overwhelming and comforting."

Yuki chuckles softly at the thought. "And you looked so frightened that day. Man! What a switch we had!"

Yuki's voice becomes low. "And when we made love that night, I was just so happy. It was a huge step. The whole world didn't matter anymore. I had all I needed right there beside me."

Shuichi shifts his eyes to the bonsai tree at the end of the balcony corner. He remembered that night. Yuki looked so happy. He held and touched him so gently and sweetly. He realized it now.

"I thought it would never end. That happiness I felt but then I was still powerless to the old nightmare that haunted me for years. I knew what it felt to be happy. The happiness of having found someone I could be with but I was afraid I'd lose it again."

Shuichi frowns at Yuki. "I'm not Kitazawa. I'm not that man you killed, Yuki."

Yuki shakes his head. "No, Shuichi. You never were. You're nothing like him at all."

"Then what, Yuki?"

Yuki breathes deeply and swallows.

"I saw my former self in you. It was like looking at a reflection of who I was then. But you were much more than that and it frightened me so much that I wanted to keep it that way. The only way I thought would protect you was to keep you safe from me. I'm too destroyed, Shuichi. You're too beautiful for someone as wretched as me."

"Is that why you kept pushing me away?"

Yuki looks down. "What a fool I am. How desperate to go through such extremes. I drove you over the edge. Confident in the thought that I would always have you no matter what the cost but I was so dead wrong. That fated night you left on our fifth anniversary will remain in my mind forever. The moment I dreaded the most really did happen after all. I wanted so bad to protect you and keep you but I ended up dragging you down with me."

"We exchanged a lot of bitter words earlier, Yuki."

Yuki's voice broke. "I don't blame you at all. You had to say them and in a way I am really glad you did because I needed to hear them. It's a whole lot better than you being silent as you kept your distance all this year. You gave me your love, Shuichi. I wanted to feel your anger too. I've juggled with the thought that if you could just hate me then things would be a lot easier for both of us….and perhaps….."

Shuichi cuts in. "You have no idea how much that cost me, Yuki! It may be easy for you to believe but it was never for me!"

Yuki nods. "I know. I feared that you would hate one day, Shuichi. But I realized I'd just….I couldn't live with that."

Shuichi puts down his glass on the glass table and approaches him. "I don't hate you, Yuki. I'm hurt and it still plagues me but I never hated you."

Yuki gets off the balcony and turns to Shuichi. He takes Shuichi's face in between his hands and looks at him closely. Shuichi squeezes his eyes shut. He still could not look at Yuki so close.

_I can't give in like this, but….._

Yuki lowered his face and planted a soft kiss on Shuichi's forehead. A tear rolls down Shuichi's cheek and he raises his hand to wipe it impatiently.

"Shit. This must annoy you like hell."

Yuki looks at him and shakes his head slowly. He pulls Shuichi closer to his chest. One hand cradling the back of his head while the other encircled his waist.

"Your tears don't really bother me, Shuichi, unless I am the cause of it."

"I'm still scared, Yuki." Shuichi could only clench his fists to his side. He still did not have the strength to hold onto Yuki.

"I'm scared too. I'm scared I might lose you again." Yuki hugs him even tighter.

"I must have meant something to you after all." Shuichi sniffed.

"More than you'll ever know, Shuichi." Yuki whispered.

"Yuki….?"

"Hmmm…..?"

"I feel something is different with you."

"What is it?"

"You were never like this to me."

"I'm trying to let go of all that. We can't live like we used to. It has to end sooner or later. It's exhausting."

"That's nice. I'd like that."

"As long as I'll always have you." Yuki embraces him tighter.

"Shuichi…"

"Yes?"

"Remember that I promised you something at the park last night?"

"What is it?"

"I lied."

"The choice is yours."

Yuki releases him but holds his shoulders and gazes at him then kisses him tenderly. They both close their eyes. Shuichi still could not bring himself to hug Yuki. Yuki senses this hesitance. He moves his lips to Shuichi's ear and whispers.

"I'm not letting you go. EVER."

Shuichi smiles as he looks at the determination in Yuki's eyes. Only then he found the strength to touch the older man and slowly slides his arms around Yuki's back and relaxed. They deepen the kiss.

_Oh how he loves this man. _Yuki made a silent prayer that the beautiful man in his arms and whose soft lips he craved for so long will never be apart from him again. _This is how it should be. This is the right thing to do. Shuichi and him. No one else. Nothing else mattered. This is how it is supposed to be. I hope I die before hurting Shuichi again. I can't stand being away from him. Gods! Whatever possessed me to let you go?_

**BEDROOM.**

Shuichi's eyes flutters open. He sees Yuki beside him and looking at him. Yuki is lying down on his side while his hand supported his head up. Shuichi smiles and playfully nudges his knee to Yuki's stomach.

"Hey, you." Yuki smiles back and touches Shuichi's bangs on his forehead.

"Kireii." Yuki murmured. (Kireii means Beautiful)

Shuichi blushes furiously and tries to pull the blanket to his chin. Yuki moves closer and slips his hand underneath the blanket to caress Shuichi's neck, shoulder, chest, stomach as it slowly goes down to his waist. He moves on top of him. His eyes defined his intentions and began to plant hungry and wild kisses on Shuichi's body.

"Gods! Shuichi…..one year…..one year……" Yuki murmured passionately.

Shuichi moans and rakes his fingers on Yuki's hair and they kiss deeply. Yuki presses his hand on Shuichi's cheek. Shuichi takes his hand and looks at the sterling silver wrist chain.

"I never got to give you this properly."

"It doesn't matter. I love it." Yuki captures Shuichi's lips again.

"You're so warm, Yuki." Shuichi gasps in between breaths.

"You cold, baby?" Yuki looks at him dazed. His eyes darkening with lust and desire.

"Keep me warm then." Shuichi closes his eyes and smiles as he embraces Yuki tenderly.

"Always." Yuki smiles.

_**OWARI. THE END. FIN.**_

_**WORDS FROM THE KITTY:**_

_**First I want to thank everyone who has faithfully kept track of this fic of mine when it was first published and to its republication and ultimately this much-awaited climax. It has been a pleasure to write it as well. Your reviews have inspired me a lot. Thank you so much again. **_

_**The change and hopefully a more lasting relationship for the two of Yuki and Shuichi. Kisses to all! Currently, I have an ongoing story of Yuki and Shuichi entitled, "PINK AND ICE." and a brand new FAKE story featuring my second favorite couple.**_

_**This "IN THE END" fic like all of my other works are close to my heart but I must say that I've infused a lot of personal experiences here. I cried, laughed and even screamed writing this not to mention getting distracted and standing aimlessly at the supermarket many times as I imagined how the next scene would unfold.**_

_**All in all it has been a labor of love on my part and I dedicate it to you and to all of us, who loves Gravitation and to readers and writers as myself who believes in true love despite its many forms and situations.**_

_**Thank you for sharing this wonderful experience with me.**_


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